Death Threat #1

Hey Kids,
It's time for a brand new feature.
-Hold for applause (or applesauce)-
Everyday the world is trying to KILL YOU. Yes, you. Whether it be by Monkey Pox, terrorism, random shooting, illicit drugs, global computer failure, bad meat/poop spinach, climate change, secondhand smoke, nuclear holocaust, ancient Chinese food additives, a defective shower-head, cougar attack, or getting run down by an intoxicated celebrity, one thing is for sure - You're gonna die.
"Death Threat^TM" is here to let you know exactly how you're going to die this week. You're welcome.

Today's death-du-jour is tuberculosis (hereby referred to as "TB" because I'm only gonna type out tuberculosis once twice).
TB is a mycobacterial infection that attacks the lungs of infected persons. It is predominantly spread by southern attorneys and the impoverished, but can affect real people as well.
This week a lawyer from Hotlanta (Mr. Andrew Speaker - aka: Mr. Outbreak Monkey) was quarantined by the CDC, but not until after he went on a whirlwind world TB tour.

Mr. Speaker is a personal injury lawyer... WHAAA?!? A PERSONAL INJURY FUCKING LAWYER? You've got to be fucking kidding me. I can see the fucking commercials already -
Hello. My name is Andrew Speaker, attorney at law. If you have sat near me on an airline flight, or have had any prolonged contact with me or my person, you may be entitled to a large cash settlement. Don't let my irresponsible actions keep you from living a full and healthy life. Collect the money that you are entitled to. Call 1-800-TUBERCULOSIS, and leave off the "LOSIS" for your losses. Call now.
Unfuckingbelievable.
I had no idea that parasites were susceptible to bacterial infections. Who knew?

One thing is for sure: TB is the next unstoppable global pandemic that is sure to kill us all.

This has been "Death Threat^TM"; Be sure to stock up on plastic sheeting and duct-tape.

Smart, My Ass

Okay, Those stupid fucking whales have navigated their way back out into the ocean. Now the national media can go back to focusing on important issues like gas prices, bears caught up in trees, and Lindsay Lohan.
I'd bet anything that right now those two are getting curbed (reefed?) by a bunch of other whales for dispelling the whole "whales are smart" fallacy.
If that shit went on for any longer, I was ready to personally call in the Japanese whaling fleet to put an end to the whole embarrassing fiasco and send them to a better place - Into the loving mouth of our Lord and Savior, the Shark-Christ.

Calling Out To D-Town

The Methadones (see 2 posts below) are playing Otto's tonight - BE THERE, or else!

All Hail the Shark-Christ!

He is risen (and submerged).
Now there's a messiah I can get behind.

Update: He was killed by the Judas Stingray just as was the Hunter of Crocodiles, his prophet.

The Methadones 5/19/07 @ The Ottobar, Baltimore

Caught Chicago's own Methadones in Baltimore yesterday. I was really jazzed about seeing this one, since I was lucky enough to catch Dan's super-secret guest spot at the Naked Raygun show a couple of weeks ago back in IL. Since then, I'd really been looking forward to seeing a full set of Vapid.

The show was supposed to start at 3PM, but the band got caught in traffic (stupid Preakness) - The first band played for about a half-hour at 4:30, but The Copyrights were sharing equipment with The Methadones so they didn't even get started until almost 45 minutes after the first band had finished. Baltimore still has smoking in the clubs and cheap beer, so I really didn't mind all that much.

While The Copyrights were setting up and playing, I got a chance to catch up with the guys in the band (I set up a show for them in DC a couple of years ago and let 'em crash out at my place, plus we have a few mutual friends back in IL). They remembered that I was a huge NR fan and gave me a kick-ass poster from a show that they played with Raygun and Dillinger Four in Minneapolis earlier this month. They also offered to try and get me a pass to the sold-out Insubordination Fest that they're playing in Baltimore this July.
They really are all great fucking guys - I really can't say anything even sorta bad about any single one of 'em.

The Copyrights played a great set. I'd never heard them before, but was really impressed. I'd heard good things about them, and I'm glad I got a chance to see 'em. I made sure to pick up a couple of their records before I left, so watch for their stuff on upcoming WILTs.

Methadones ripped through a really tight set and played a load of my favorites. The set seemed kinda short, but I could watch those guys play for days-on-end, so I'm biased. For my money, they're one of the top 3 bands playing out today - If you get a chance, you really should go out and see 'em*.

The show was over by 7:15 and I got home before 8PM with just enough time to head out to a friend's B-Day party at the bar - gotta love the early shows.
Perfect fucking rock-day.
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*ACHTUNG: The Methadones and Copyrights are playing fucking Otto's THIS FRIDAY (5/25/07) and Beat Kitchen on Saturday. All of you Illinoisans really should go check 'em out, or I'll be secretly ashamed of all of ya.

Be sure to tell the Methadones boys that DC Josh sez "Hi".

Bring Your Own Bourbon

Fucking Dumpster*

Fucking Ryan Dumpster just blew a fucking 4 run lead in the bottom of the fucking 9th against the fucking Mets. Fuck!

I still like him way-better than Grossman.
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*Not to be confused with the actual fucking dumpster (located behind the Paperback Grotto).

Tweety Bird Chaser

I'm about to throw up another rant on the whole home-repair boondoggle, but I figured that I should include a chaser beforehand so that Mike wouldn't be tempted to contact the authorities.
Here's something I found on teh internets. Birdies R cute.

Memoirs of Descent

That's it - I give up.
Things out here in DC have gone straight into the shitter since I got back from Illinois (should have just stayed).
I'm sick and tired of dealing with the Administration in trying to secure a position within a federal agency. It would have been nice, but I just can't afford to keep waiting and wrestling with all of the red tape. I've been on the job path for the last five months, and have had three "sure things" slip away without any reason or explanation. It's fucking maddening. I've exhausted ALL of my savings trying to wait this out, and am now forced to go back to looking for work in the private sector.
It doesn't help that I've had absolute zero support from The Girl on this, and after a weekend blowout we're no longer on speaking terms (it's kinda nice). I'm looking forward to being the distant disagreeable one in this relationship for a change. I'm just too tired and frustrated to struggle to hold together a shitty relationship - It's her turn. It'll never last. Fuck it.
I've still got a bunch of work I have to get done on the house within the next couple of weeks, or face a fine and a probable rent increase. Drinky is absolutely fucking useless, and the Girl isn't speaking to me, so it looks like it's up to me to get all of that shit finished. Perfect.
I haven't been sleeping, haven't been getting laid, and I'm popping Valiums like Pez just to stay sane. I'm on the fucking edge, and just don't have the time or patience to deal with any extraneous nonsense.

I'm not looking for sympathy and DON'T FUCKING WANT IT. I'm just sick of holding it all in and needed to get it out - It was either on this silly little blog or up against someone's head with an aluminum bat, and this seemed like the less felonious option.
Don't feel bad for me - I'll be fine. I have safety-nets galore, and should have something worked out by Memorial Day.
The world's just up my ass at the moment - it will pass.

Not Economically Viable

I can't sleep. It's light out and I don't know whether to pop a Valium, brew a pot of coffee, or both.
I went out drinkin' earlier with one of the old 7DA 40 oz. Crew kids who's out here in DC now. I got home, fell asleep on the couch, woke up a couple of hours later around midnight, watched a movie, went to bed, starred at the ceiling for a couple of hours, gave up, and decided to blog about the movie I watched earlier. Here you go:

I was flipping through the cable channels after 1AM trying to find something to watch while I got ready for bed - Mostly crap and soft-core skin flix. I decided to watch the beginning of "Falling Down" while I finished my nightly routine - I got stuck. I own the DVD and have seen the movie several times before, but every time I start to watch it I get sucked in and just can't stop watching it - It's like catnip for white guys. is a truly brilliant film. It is one of the few films that deals with modern alienation and grown-up angst in a way that doesn't come off as preachy or pretentious. There are a ton of great indie-films that deal with similar subject matter (Taxi Driver, Dead Man, Requiem For a Dream, etc.), but none capture the fragility of sanity so succinctly.
The entire film is about the desolation of everyday life and those that endure and those who don't. The detective (Robert Duvall) has just as much misery and strife in his life as does D-FENS (Michael Douglas), but manages to hold it together. Even the secondary characters are downtrodden caricatures that seem to be holding on to the last strands of sanity.
Douglas portrays the anti-hero perfectly, and you can't help but sympathize with him in his war against the everyday world. There's just something about this movie that plays to the amoral revenge-against-the-world fantasies of the viewer. I'm not sure if that's "good", but it makes for great film.

What amazes me is that such a great movie came from the director of the rubber-nipples-era Batman movies and the writer of the "Car 54, Where are You?" movie. How the fuck did that happen? Or have I just been suckered in by another Hollywood "Death Wish" crap flick that just plays to the base emotions of working-stiff white folks?
You tell me.

Naked Raygun - April 27th, 2007 @ House of Blues, Chicago

Okay, I'm a slack-ass. It took me two full weeks to get this review up here. Right after the show (and drinking until daylight) I wanted to find a computer to get up a review, but that didn't happen so I've been pushing it aside for 14 days.

I was fortunate enough to get to see a handful of Naked Raygun shows back in the day. Along with Sludgeworth, Screeching Weasel, The Vindictives, Big Black, and all the other beloved late 80's/early 90's Chicago punk bands Raygun provided a full-throttle soundtrack to my teenage years. When I heard that they were playing (yet) another reunion show I secured a ticket (thanx Nate) and quickly booked a flight back to the middle of west. I'm still kicking myself for missing Riotfest, and couldn't live with myself for missing this one.

I was amazed that there were still tickets available (for the late show) at the door. Ms. Dena tagged along in hopes of scoring a ticket from a scalper, but just walked up to the ticket booth 15 minutes before show time and scored one. She didn't even have to pay the damned Ticketmaster service fee - I guess it pays to procrastinate.
First off, House of Blues sucks ass. I'm used to non-smoking venues, but all of them out here in DC allow you to go outside for a cigarette - not HoB. Granted, after my 4th $5 can of Bud I discovered the super-secret smoking lounge - The men's room. Everyfuckingbody was smoking in there. Once I saw two of the security staff guys smoking among the crowd, I figured that it was fair game and grabbed one quick Winston before heading back out for the rock.
I have no idea why the show wasn't held at The Riv or some other larger "classic" Chicago venue. HoB just seemed like an extraordinarily odd place to hold an olde-tyme Chi-Punk show. Go figger.

Onto the show - The Bollweevils started off the show. I've seen these guys a bunch of times, and got to know Darryl and Ken from the 7DA days (Ken was in Callaghan, one of the bands on my record label). They're great guys, but I never really have been the biggest Bollweevils fan. It was good to see them again, but I was only half there.
The Dillinger Four were up next (members of Billingsgate, Cleveland Bound Death Sentence, and Scooby Don't) . I've found that you either love D4 or HATE them (I'm way over on the "love" side), and the crowd was a pretty even mix of the two factions. It doesn't help that Pat is one of the biggest loud-mouths ever to stand behind a microphone - His stage banter is hilarious, but only if you're on his side. I've haven't seen so many projectiles hurled at a band since the Elgin Turners shows back in the day. D4 was fairly sauced by the time they took the stage, but put on one hell of a great set. I could have happily watched them play for another hour or more.
The Special Guest turned out not to be a band. I had heard rumors of every damned old Chicago band being the "special guest". Pegboy, Ben Weasel, Vindictives, Smoking Popes, Shellac, Out of Order, and a shit load of other bands were mentioned as the possible "mystery guest", but none of them played - More on this later.
Naked Raygun took the stage, to the surprise of the crowd that was expecting another band before Raygun. As the first few chords were played I realized that this was totally worth the 750 mile commute and all of the HoB bullshit. There isn't anywhere else I would have rather been at that moment. Raygun busted out an incredible set - the lineup was exactly as it was on the 1990 "Raygun, Naked Raygun" album (Pezzati, Kedzy, Spicer, & Stephens).
About 45 minutes into the set, out walked Jake Burns, the lead singer of Stiff Little Fingers (a '70s era Irish punk band). Raygun had covered one of their songs (Suspect Device) on Jettison. Jake took over the mic and sang Suspect Device and another SLF song, Alternative Ulster. It was FUCKING AWESOME. Apparently, Jake moved to Chicago a few years back and has been hanging out with the NR boys. Story is that he's extremely grateful that Raygun covered Suspect Device and turned a bunch of their fans into SLF fans (worked for me) - Now they're all buddies.
Raygun finished up the set and took a break before the encore - Just enough time for a piss and a smoke in the men's room. When they came back out they played a couple more songs and then...

Fucking Dan Schafer (aka: Dan Vapid - Screeching Weasel, Sludgeworth, Riverdales, Queers, Mopes, & Methadones) came out and launched into my favorite song of all-time, the Sludgeworth anthem "Someday". I saw Sludgeworth open up for Raygun at the Riv back in '91 or '92, but I never would have imagined that Raygun would play that song with Vapid at the helm. It's like a rock-geek jerk-off fantasy come true - Okay, I'm at a Raygun reunion show and then everything stops and then out comes Dan Vapid and he starts singing "Someday" with Raygun on back-up and then all the beer becomes free and then all of the Suicide Girls show up and start making out with me and then... It's fucking ridiculous - but it actually happened (sans the free booze and Suicide Girls). I was in full-on drooling fanboy mode.

Here's photographic proof that I wasn't hallucinating the whole damned thing.

Raygun played a couple more songs and wrapped everything up. It was one of the best shows I've been to - Period.

Afterwards I was so jazzed-up that Dena and I met Kathy up at the Continental (a late-night bar) - We closed that fucker down. Then I got to ride a Vespa back to Kathy's through the deserted streets of West-side Chicago. We didn't want to wake up her man, so we drank on her porch until the bright morning Sun chased me inside to the guest bed.
End night.

It was on hell of a fucking night. Y'all shoulda been there. But you weren't (unless you were), so you can eat it.

Ultimate Screengrab

I've been watching my way through the (excelent) Harold Lloyd box set when I came across this:

(click to enlarge)

How fucking awesome is that? I had to pause the DVD and shoot a picture of the screen. It's from the 1928 feature "Speedy" - Also known as "that one Harold Lloyd film featuring Babe Ruth".
This scene takes place at Coney Island - Apparently the Coney Island of the 1920s was a wonderland of awesomeness featuring some of the most hazardous thrill rides dreamt up in the history of mankind - If I ever get ahold of a time machine for an afternoon, forget about saving Lincoln or stopping Hitler, I'm spending some time at old CI circa 1928. I stand by my decision.
Speaking of Harold Lloyd, Booze Movie Bill did a great review of "High and Dizzy" - Check it out HERE. Now.

Diego Corrales 1977-2007

Diego "Chico" Corrales died in a motorcycle accident earlier this evening.
If you follow boxing, you know that this guy was one hell of a great fighter. I really loved watching this guy box, and he seemed like a genuinely "nice" guy (legal trouble aside). He had some of the greatest bouts in recent history - The 2005 Castillo -vs- Corrales match will go down as one of the greatest all-time fights in the sport.
His career was definitely on the skids (he was effectively finished as a lightweight), but he really showed potential in the welterweight class in his most recent fight with Clottey.
I'm gonna miss him.

This Blog For Rent

Things have been s-l-o-w down here at L&E junction as of late (even the Old Dog is schoolin' me on posts).
As soon as I got back from my Northern Illinois drinking adventure, I got gob-smacked by reality. I've spent the last week dealing with the job hunt, entertaining a friend visiting from Japan, and trying to keep my head above water in a nightmarish bureaucratic home-repair boondoggle (I will definitely get into this in a later post as soon as I calm down enough so that the whole thing doesn't come off as a demented death-threat).
Anyway, I have a bunch of shit I need to get up here, but have to wait until I get the essentials dead and buried.
Look for the return of L&E sometime next week (hopefully).

Back Home & Almost Sober

I'm back in DC now. The IL adventure is over and I've got 10 straight days of drinkin' stories to show for it.
I still need to get a wrap-up of the Naked Raygun show up here - Look for it tomorrow when the world stops spinning.