Technical Difficulties (X-Mas Edition)

Notice:
If anyone sent me a text between late Monday Night and about 2PM on Christmas Day, I never got it.
I've been up in West Hooterville, Wisconsin over the past few days, and the closest thing that they have to internet connectivity out there is the town copy of 'The Book of Norwegian Jokes: Uff-Da Edition'.
It didn't help matters that I own the worst fucking phone ever conceived by beast or man. If there is any justice in the world, the worthless twat who designed the LG EnV will die of complications from a perforated bowel.

GOD, DO I HATE THIS PHONE! --pounding phone into desk--

Anyway, once I got back toward civilization, a message appeared on my phone screen: "12 Missed Messages - Inbox Full - Unable to Retrieve - Messages Deleted".
Fucking worthless phone.
So, if you were one of the people who texted me, I'm not intentionally being a huge X-Mas A-Hole (well, no more so than usual) - I just never got your message.

So to all those who tried to text me some baby Jesus B-Day shit; I say Merry X-Mas and watch out for the Krampus.

Does This Mean That the Smoking Banis Null & Void?

I know at one time or another we've all considered withholding funding from a Children's Hospital for bribe money, but the Blagoff is the only person (outside of a Dickens novel) to have the huevos to actually do so.
Kudos to you, Rod. You are truly a scum-fuck amongst scum-fucks.

Now do the honorable thing, and take a dive in front of a Brown Line train before you embarrass yourself even further.