Now THAT'S Racist!

It has been four whole years since the last Asian Arert. Well, here's a new one:  This clip is from the Tokyo shock flick 'Vampire  Girl -vs- Frankenstein Girl' and features a clique of Japanese school-girls that are taking the 'wanna-be' fad way too far.
Yes, it's offensive, but I also I think it's an inspired social commentary on the absurdity of the misguided emulation of (wrongly perceived) black culture.

Discuss.

The Japanese Citizen Kane

With the writer's strike going hard, I have a word of advice to Hollywood. Just quit. Seriously. Board up the studios, sell all of your equipment to the porno industry, and find another line of work.
Why?
Because Japan has just produced what possibly could be the perfection of the film medium. It's called Machine Girl, and looks like the BEST MOVIE EVER.
Why even try and top this? It can't be done. You'd probably have better luck attempting to manufacture an full-scale replica of the universe. Hollywood, give it up and get ready for your money shot.

Bow to the glory which is Machine Girl:

Beacuse You Can't Rape A Coke Machine

The new fashion statement coming out of the land of the rising sun is urban camo for ladies who have watched too many Urotsukidōji hentai flix. Nothing let's you hide from rampaging demon penis monsters better than dressing up like a vending machine. I'm just relieved that deeply ingrained irrational fear isn't isolated to the United States.

Wow, Check out this (totally not conspicuous) ninja shit:
LINK (via Boing Boing)

I See Wakkanai, I See Shikoku, I See Japanese Businessmen Trying To Poo-Poo

Hooray,
It's time for another Asian Arert!

I had originally planned on throwing up the Girl's new favorite Japanese children's animated clip - Butt Biting Bug, but as soon as I went to post that clip up here I checked my e-mail and realized that Paulio sent it out over the ePissy wire. That Paul is sneaky like that.

Luckily, there was another e-mail up in there from the Old Dog titled "Asian Arert Material?". Once again, the Old Dog saves my hash.

If practical jokes fell under the standards of Geneva Conventions these would probably be considered war-crimes. Enjoy.

Professor Lucifer Gorgonzola Butts Is Alive (And Producing Kids Shows In Japan)

I was just googling the interwebs when I came across this great video clip from a Japanese kids' show. It's from a program called Pitagora Sōchi that seems to prominently feature Rube Goldberg devices constructed out of household items - Awesomeness ensues.




I seriously could watch this all day. No really, I literally could - I'm still looking for a job and have all of the time in the world to sit around and repeatedly watch crappy low-res You Tube videos of foreign children's programming.
Fuck it, I'm gonna pour myself a drink and sit right here and watch this damned video for 8 hours straight just to prove a fucking point. Take that, responsibility.

Super Happy Fun Respectable Potty Training Video, Please

Hory Shit! It's been seven months since the last Asian Arert.
In order to compensate for this gross oversight, I happen to have one of the greatest video clips in the history of the internets.


I present: The Shimajiro Toilet Training Video.
It has everything, anthropomorphic tigers, a talking terlet, happy excrement, a pinata that explodes to celebrate defecation, magic pants, and a disturbing-as-all-hell live action spot at the end.
You gotta love it.

Thanx to The Girl for the link.

Asian Arert, Motherfuckers!

It's been awhile since I've gotten around to doing an Asian Arert. I'm going to make up for that void by overloading your senses with a super-ultra-happy-fun mega post here chock full 'o' fishy Asian goodness.

The Girl sent me a bunch of You Tube videos and threatened me with grievous bodily harm if I didn't get 'em up here. Looking over these I realized that the Japanese advertising culture is exactly what American advertising would have looked like back in the 1950s if everyone in the industry was whacked out on lysergic acid diethylamide. It's some good stuff, to be sure.

This is an ad for green tea:


This one's for a bath-powder of some sort:


If you wanna find some wacky-ass commercials type "pretz" into the You Tube search box. This one's my favorite.


And to top it all off, I present the best footage in the history of television (as seen on Countdown with Keith Olbermann):


Wow, watching all those Asian videos made me hungry. I could really go for a sandwich right now.

Ummm... nevermind.

Asian Arert!!!

Ringu the movie
It is very scary, Huh?
Scream, you schoolgirls, scream

When watching this I like to pretend that they're looking at a video of me in the shower.

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Question:
I stumbled upon a bunch of awesome NSFW* Asian Arert material. Would anyone be averse to setting up a You Tube account so that you could view the aforementioned clips?
I might use some of this stuff for future A.A.s, but don't want to piss everyone off with registration codes, and the like.

*Not Suitable for Work

Asian Arert - Now With 100% More Haikus

From here on out I've decided that all further Asian Arerts will be described in haiku. Let's try it out:

Walrus plump with fat
He no find sexy girlfriend
Now fun sit-up time!!!

Watch it HERE

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Thanx To the Old Dog for the heads-up.

What do female babies, free speech, and kittens have in common?

China's media have launched a nationwide hunt for a glamorously dressed woman who has been photographed apparently crushing a kitten to death with her stiletto heels... Link (to full article, not the kitten crushing site - thank Christ).

This one falls under the 'seriously fucked-up' header.

Due to the massive amount of weird Asian crap that either The Girl sends to me, or that I stumble across on any given day, I've decided to add a new recurring feature to the blog; Asian Arert! This is for all of the insane crap that has to be seen to be believed. All sorts'a wonderful shit - from gender-specific Pocky to hand-job machines; you just gotta love the Asians.

Luckily, I have the purrrfect video clip* -NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK- to kick this off:
A TV crew goes around getting Japanese women to suckle a cat. Here kitty, kitty, kitty.
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PS: I still stand by my assertion that "Big Drag" should rename themselves "Japanese Game Show". Just throwin' that out there (again).

*I'm really, really sorry for the awful pun - I couldn't help myself.