Danger Chicagoland; Danger, Danger, Danger!

Okay kids, here's the deal:
I'm still in limbo about what to do with the rest of my fucking life, but the field is narrowing. It looks like the travel thing is out, due to the fact that I'm broke as a joke. The job field in DC isn't really yielding much, but I have a bunch of folks out scouting for me. I did get offered a job in the State Department, but I really don't want to work in the administration at this point, and the hours in a job like that will kill you. Meh. I'm in no big hurry; I'll still be drawing a paycheck throughout February, and I renegotiated my lease up to April 1. Therefore, I'm holding off on making a final decision until late January.
I've decided to start shopping out my resume in the Chicago metropolitan region, and am planning on coming back for a long stretch to do so. I may be back as soon as next week, all I'm waiting for here now is my holiday bonus (if I'm even getting one) and for Cabelas to ship my ammo for the SOCOM and the M16 (no, seriously).
I'll post up the details as soon as I get 'em.

Favorite News Clipping of the Day:

Fleeing Man Takes Crack Break - Connecticut Post Online

"...Quinton abandoned a stolen car he had been driving near the P.T. Barnum public housing complex in Bridgeport, according to police.

Police said he scaled a fence near Captain's Cove Seaport and smoked crack cocaine before he ran through the seaport and stood on a boat.

He smoked more crack before officers pulled him down from the boat by his coat and arrested him, police said..."

My favorite part of the article? The P.T. Barnum mother-fucking public housing complex! How great is that? I guess that if there's one born every minute you've got to build a place to keep 'em.

In the next entry there's mention of an group of armed robery/prostitution arrests up in the PTBPHC. Apparently, that's the place to be when you're in Bridgeport.

Photocolonial

I just finished uploading four and a half pages of photos of my trip to the deepest darkest regions of colonial-themed Virginia up to my Flickr page. I weeded through several hundred pictures and culled the juiciest morsels for your optical absorption. In all honesty, there's probably too many pictures of various shit shot against the sky, but it was either that or a plethora of ground-level pics besieged with throngs of rotund tourists.
I made sure to keep my lens up, 'cuz I know that's the way you like it. You're dirty like that.

Virginia is for Virginians

We started off the day with an exploratory trip around the neighborhood where I got a bunch of kick-ass pictures of the local scenery.
The rest of the day has been chock full of football, booze, and loads 'o' food.
Full... so full.

Hell Trip

It's approximately 170 miles from DC to Williamsburg. Yoohoo Maps approximated our total travel time at just under 3 hours. Yoohoo Maps are a bunch of filthy lying sons of whores.
It took us SEVEN fucking hours to get here due to the obscene holiday travel rush. After 4 hours on the road, I looked down at the odometer and realized that we had only gone 54 miles - I then spent the next 15 minutes screaming at the top of my lungs about averaging 13.5 miles per hour while punching wildly at the roof and swearing. Fuck that.
The last 100 miles were relatively smooth, but the first 70 were pure hell. Come Saturday, we're waiting until 11PM to leave in hopes of missing the rush back North.

(I'm Havin' a) Colonial Thanksgiving

The Girls parents just bought a house down in Williamsburg, Virginia, so we're heading down there over the holiday weekend. I have loaded up ye olde Es-Yu-Vee with beaver pelts that I hope to trade with the red Indians for some farmable land. I have also taken great measure over the last fortnight to hone my butter-churning and candle-making skillz to better blend in with the white settlers down there once we are established.
Just like our pilgrim forefathers I will be participating in the most rudimentary form of communication since the advent of movable type, I am (of course) referring to mobileblogging, gentle reader. I will also be equipped with my portrait box, and hope to post onto the Flickr extensive documentation of my travels. Above all, I'm anxiously looking forward to hunting the ferocious ocean bear (commonly known as 'porpoise') with my olde tyme AK-47 model firestick. I just pray that The Girl's mother knows how to prepare this delicious beast for our holiday feast.

Yours in Christ,
Ye Lyar ov DC

Rules That I Just Made Up #837

Anything that is said to a heckler should not be held against the heckelie*, as hecklers are subhuman and should be euthanized for the betterment of society. Additionally, if you spend the entire night goading a performer you are not entitled to be offended by anything he/she says once you get him/her to snap.

This rule will hereby be referred to as "Rickles' Law".
...

*Heckelie is a registered trademark of L&E (C)2006

L&E (Satanic) Public Service Announcement

:siht dnuof I nehw senizagam deriW dlo fo kcats a hguorht gnideew saw I
!nataS liaH - live rof ti esU

Extreme Blog Makeover Redux

After about 6 months of procrastinating, I took some time today and finally figured out how to fancy-up my lame-ass blog. Now it's faggoted-up like a 12 year old goth girl's MySpace page 'cuz I's got mad skillz with the HTML. I even updated my icon - Here it is full size:

Sweet, huh? I know you all are super-jealous.
...

What the Hell is it?
The background is a close-up of the (very dusty) seat on my Vespa 50 Special, and the header is a photo of a L&E stencil I put together (which turned out cooler than the photo of the actual stenciling) with the tagline photoshopped in.

Peculiar Pussy Pix

There was a thread on Boing Boing last week devoted to captioned cat pics; I've been laughing my ass off for a week straight. It's definitely hit-or-miss, but there's some seriously funny shit up in these links.
Boing Boing Post
Collection 1
Collection 2 (some overlap w/1)

My favorite? 'Heil!' (look for it).

A (Filthy, Filthy) Bill

I was sorting through a bunch of old files today, and rediscovered my favorite piece of legislation that has come across my desk in my 6 years working out here in DC.
I present H.R. 3687:

A BILL

To amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, is amended--

(1) by inserting `(a)' before `Whoever'; and

(2) by adding at the end the following:

`(b) As used in this section, the term `profane', used with respect to language, includes the words `shit', `piss', `fuck', `cunt', `asshole', and the phrases `cock sucker', `mother fucker', and `ass hole', compound use (including hyphenated compounds) of such words and phrases with each other or with other words or phrases, and other grammatical forms of such words and phrases (including verb, adjective, gerund, participle, and infinitive forms).'.

Hear That Sound? It's the Shit Hitting the Fan.

I learned a couple of weeks ago that the firm I work for will be dissolving at the end of the year and is being reformed as a smaller firm under a different name. I learned yesterday that I'm not going to be a part of that smaller firm. This sucks - Hard.
The lease on my house comes to an end on January 1, so I have about a month to figure out what the hell I'm doing.
Here are my choices:
1) Find another job out here in DC
This might be tricky since everyfuckingbody is looking for new jobs right now, and moderate (pro-gay, pro-choice, small government) Republicans are not at the top of anyone's hiring list.
2) Find another job somewhere else
This is a lot easier, and is along the lines of what I'd like to do (work with a trade organization/corporation). The kicker is that the type of jobs I'd be interested in taking would likely force me to live in one of my two most-hated cities - LA or NYC.
3) Move back to IL and look for a job from there
This works, and I have an empty house waiting for me, but it just seems like a bitch maneuver to me. I've wanted to move back to IL for awhile, but on MY terms.
4) Throw all of my shit into storage and take off on a trip around the world
Mexico, Cuba, Panama, Peru, Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Antarctica, South Africa, Madagascar, India, Thailand, Malaysia, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, Philippines, China, South Korea, Japan, Russia, Finland, Sweden, Norway, Iceland, Ireland, UK, France, Germany, Poland, Austria, Romania, Turkey, Egypt, Greece, Italy, Algeria, Morocco, Spain - That's my road-map so far. I'm about to throw down and just do it while I'm still young (and stupid) enough to try it.

Well, that's it. I have no fucking idea what I'm gonna do, but I have about a month to sort it all out. Place your bets.

Notice of Intent to Post

This last week I've had plenty to say, but am waiting to see how things shake out (over several fronts) before I start torching bridges. I'm keeping my yap shut (for a change) until then.
Maybe I'll throw out some fun (read: asinine) crap up here in the next couple of days just to keep the eLights on here at L&E. I promise... Maybe.

Go Bears!

I, For One, Welcome Our New Democratic Overlords

I look forward to toiling in your sugar mines.

Erection Day

I know, it's a cheap joke, so I figured that it deserved an equally cheap post. I was gonna do a cheap 'Asian Arert!' clip here, but decided to go even cheaper with an Amazon search result instead.
I present the (semi)exhaustive list of song titles containing the term 'erection'.

The Liar's top 5:
5- Blephegor - Demonic Staccato Erection
4- Bitter Tongues - I Don't Miss You, I Miss My Erection
3- Burning Brides - Overhead Metal Erection
2- John F. Kennedy (Spoken) - Erection of the Berlin Wall
1- Les Barker - Dachshunds With Erections Can't Climb Stairs

Photornado

I just trudged through the whirlwind of several hundred unsorted pics from Chicago, the other bits of IL, and DC from the last month. I ended up grabbing 32 of my favorites to post up on my Flickr page for your casual perusal. Enjoy.

The Definitive Drinky Joe

I've just finished loading all of the Drinky Joe goodness up onto Flickr. We're talking over 300 pictures of couch crashing good times spanning almost 2 years. Get yourselves some.

Holding My Tongue

I've been holding back the mother-of-all-rants for the past few weeks. Maybe you'll get it next week, maybe you won't, but you won't see it any sooner than that. Accordingly, I've been letting L&E air out for awhile. I've updated the links on the side menu, and have been working on the new Drinky Joe Flickr (pro) page. His MS Spaces page has mysteriously disappeared into the interwebs, but I hope to get ALL of the DJ photos up onto the Flickr page sometime this weekend - watch for it.