Sunday, April 26, 2009

BWAAAHAHAHA!

It should now be evident that the extended hiatus of this blog was due to the intense time constraints imposed in the perfection of my weather control device (pictured).

I have been shifting the temperature back and forth in 40 degree increments over the past 48 hours as a show of my newly acquired power over the forces of nature.
It is time for the Chicagoland region to capitulate to my following demand:
- Allow smoking in bars, you nanny-state bastards.

If you don't revoke the smoking ban, my rein of discomfort will continue unfettered and you all will be forced to suffer through the rest of your pitiful existences with sweaters tied around your waists in order to avoid my wrath of continual climatological chaos.

All bow down before me, your new overlord:
The Liar.

6 comments:

bigsoda said...

Great... So now I can't smoke in a bar, and now I'm kind of chilly while I go outside to smoke. Thanks, jerk.

Gunderstorm said...

If you'd let the weather be nice, you can smoke while you write outside. The Girl can put your bourbon into little pouches like Capri Suns.

If you'd get your damn Google phone already, you can be all Warren Ellis and shit.

suzanne said...

its about time somebody did something (about this damn smoking ban)...I had assumed your something would have involved political banter...but this is much more impressive.

p.s. please make it rain more...everyone else hates it and it would do much to further your cause but I find its not a perfect day without it...set the dial there at least every couple of days and you can make me happy while wreaking havock on the rest of the midwest.

PYLB said...

If you have such command of the immediate climate, why not make it smoke outside? Like, really smoke. The kind of smoke that goes beyond mere "hazy" and goes directly to "make dinosaurs extinct". Dare you!

Kim said...

Dear Shooty,

I miss your blogging.

The Old Dog said...

Blah, Blog, Blah!