Monday, March 14, 2005

I Love the Post Office and Old People

I just spent the better part of the morning trying to mail a box of CDs to Elise for her road trip. Aside from your average line of "e-bay power-sellers" that usually haunt my local post office, there were thrown in for variety a couple of befuddled octogenarians to brighten my morning.

Woman (with bag of unpackaged items): "How much to send this to Texas? - - "Well that's too much." - - "Will the cheaper service get there any faster?" - - "Why should I be expected to pay for these (decorative) boxes" - - "No I won't step aside." - - "I have rights." - - etc.

This lead to an epiphany: Due to the fact that we are living in a safety conscious society our stupid citizens are getting old. A thousand years ago the individual who went out to hunt a bear with a mud and twig heavy arsenal didn't really last long enough to become a burden to anything (except for the bear's digestive tract). Today that same individual would probably get a grant for performance art and/or a Fox special. Does anyone else find this counter-intuitive?

Well, if so, I have a proposal: We need more mortal dangers in our society. We need to be sending out crack cocaine like AOL mailers, we need 24 hour undercooked fried cassava ball stands ( , we need electrified blades affixed to the closing doors of our subways, we need lottery tickets that explode if they don’t win, we need concrete airbags, we need pornography affixed to the front of all quickly moving trains.

I may be on my own here, but something needs to be done. If any one cares to join me I proudly unveil the first wave of my awareness campaign: Operation Rusty but Sharp Iron Spikes Galore (ORSISG).

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