Saturday, January 12, 2008

Sicko
-or-
How I Accidentally Stopped Smoking

I've been dead-sick since Tuesday and have been absolutely fucking miserable.
Here's the funny thing: In my sickness I think that I accidentally stopped smoking. It's been 3 full days since I had a smoke and I'm not even vaguely interested in lighting one up.
That fucking sucks. I like smoking and had no inclination to quit.

This sort of thing has happened before. Back in college I used to quit smoking for weeks at a time just to annoy my roommate who was always trying to quit (unsuccessfully). It was just another test of will, and once I'd met my goal I'd always go right back to smoking, because it was something that I enjoyed.
Now I'm not so sure that it's worth it. I'm gonna give it one full week (1-16-08, 12PM) and then decide what I'm doing on the nicotine front.
Here's my pro/con list on whether it's worth it to quit:

Pro: By quitting smoking, I can personally deprive inner-city children of vitally needed provisions and services funded by state tobacco taxes, and everyone knows how much I detest underprivileged children.

Con: Non-smokers (for the most part) are smug, self-satisfied, holier-than-thou twats.
What made me special is that I was all of those things and smoked.

Pro: It's fucking cold outside.

Con: By quitting right after the IL smoking ban passes, I feel like I'm surrendering to the will of the nanny-state. Welcome to the "No Fun" future, kids.

Pro: With the $40 or so I'm saving each week on cigarettes, I can finally afford to take up shooting smack.

Con: As anyone who has watched me play a video game or prepare food knows, I have a very mild case of Tourette's - Smoking helps me keep it in check.
By ceasing to smoke, I run the risk of going from a mere "spazz-wad" to "king-uber-spazz".

Pro: Now I'll get my full sense of smell back just in time for my daily commute on Chicago public transit. Lucky me.

Con: Managing to stop smoking before I turn 35 greatly increases my life expectancy, thus leaving me vulnerable to unscrupulous individuals willing to exploit my nonagenarian dementia for their own greedy ends.

6 comments:

The Old Dog said...

I can't offer you advice, only some wisdom: When you're a smoker you always want a cig. When you have smoked and then quit, you always want a cig.

Now decide.

jeanz said...

I have never been sick enough to stop smoking, even for a day. You must be really stinkin sick. Sorry, man.

I'm thinking that, rather than decide to quit or not quit, you can become the very worst blend: the occasional smoker. That way, you will always be bumming your cigarettes from any smoker you see, friend or stranger or Streetwise merchant, and get all indignant when someone (me) declines and whine, "it's just *one* cigarette," and act like *I'm* the asshole. You can also say, every third time or so, "I owe you a pack," but you'll never actually buy one.

Chris B. said...

I don't know what Jeanz is talking about. Occasional smoking is fun!

Actually, I recommend turning your excess energy to video games. Check out the Orange Box, as touted on the infamous Gunderblog, and hours will go by before you even think about eating, peeing or smoking.

edP said...

I think anyone who quits smoking should first wonder if cancer or emphysema will kill them before 2012.

edP said...

um...but congrats!

PYLB said...

Same thing happened to me. Got deathly ill on December 29th, and inadvertently quit smoking cigarettes for the new year. Still haven't had one, though I've wanted one more than a couple times. Old Dog is right. You'll always want a cig. Try smoking something else... banana peels, turkey, or whatever is less addictive than cigs.