Milo: 1997 - 2010

He was a good dog.

The Liar's 10 Favorite Films (For the Time-Being)

Note: I started this post back in April of '08 and never got around to finishing it (yay, me!). I started thinking about it lately and finally decided to rework it and post it. I kept the original list (more or less) intact, fleshed it out, and added 5 'honorable mentions' at the end. Here it is, two years in the making:

This isn't a list of the greatest films I've ever seen. This list is of those films that I just love. Some are truly great - some I just think are great. This is my list of films that I can't get enough of, each one of these films I've watched multiple times and will probably watch numerous more times. I'm sure that I missed a couple of films that should be up here - those ones that were so awesome that I forgot them entirely, but I think that this is a damned good list as it stands.


1) Dr. Strangelove (or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb) - 1964
Hands-down my favorite movie of all-time. Leave it to Stanley Kubrick to craft a jet-black comedy about nuclear war right at the apex of the Cold War. Peter Sellers turns in one of the great performances in the history of celluloid by playing three separate characters flawlessly. George C. Scott, Sterling Hayden, Slim Pickens, Keenan Wynn, and James Earl Jones round out the exemplary cast. This an absolute pitch-perfect film from start to finish.




2) Kamikaze Girls (Shimotsuma Monogatari) - 2004
I LOVE this film - It's like catnip to me. I could watch this film three times in a row and still consider putting it in for a fourth viewing. The tagline for this film was: 'The extraordinary adventures of a Lolita-look aficionado and a tough biker gang chick', but that only scratches the surface of this frenetic blender-ride of a movie. This might not be Akira Kurosawa, but it's my favorite Japanese film.
Note: Just watched this one again last night with Jake & Maria & it's still awesome-as-all-hell.




3) Hedwig and the Angry Inch - 2001
Easily the best transgendered rock-opera of all time. Before this film hit the theaters, I got a free pass to preview this film in DC. I had no idea what it was all about. I just knew that it was a chance to see an indie-film for free, and that was good enough for me. This film hit me upside the head like nothing I'd seen before - Great film, incredible soundtrack, and possibly the most fun movie of the last 20 years.
 




4) Kwaidan - 1965
This film is truly a work of art. Masaki Kobayashi's stunning expressionist stylings make this not so much a a movie, but rather a moving painting of indescribable beauty. This collection of four separate Japanese folk tales is eerie and stunning with incredible visuals and surprising depth. Truly a superb film.







5) The City of Lost Children - 1995
Marc Caro and Jean-Pierre Jeunet create a beautiful Jules Vernesque dystopia punctuated by a wonderful Angelo Badalamenti score. The dreamlike nature of this film lies between the worlds of Caro's Delicatessen and Jeunet's Amélie - A perfect middle-ground for an outstanding film.








6) The Man Who Laughs - 1928
This was one of the last great expressionist silent films directed by Paul Leni. By the late '20s the industry was moving away from the surreal styling of German expressionism toward a more realistic portrayal. Too bad. If you look at the Lon Chaney film of the same year, 'Laugh Clown, Laugh", it's amazing how two films of similar subject matter and released in the same month (April 1928) could be so different. Huge props to William T. for turning me onto this gem.




7) Altered States - 1980
This might not be a great film. Hell, it might not even be a good film, but I love it. Take the script from some forgotten Universal monster film from the '40s, load it up on psychedelics, add the overly verbose hyper-technical dialogue of Paddy Chayefsky, and stir. Not for everyone, but it suits me perfectly.








8) Kung Fu Hustle - 2004
I really wanted to include one of Zhang Yimou's wuxia films (Hero, House of Flying Daggers, Curse of the Golden Flower) on the list, but the more I thought about recent Chinese period dramas, the more I thought about how much I love this film. Sorry Zhang. Roger Ebert described this film as "Jackie Chan and Buster Keaton meet Quentin Tarantino and Bugs Bunny". Yeah, that sounds about right.





9) Santa Sangre - 1989
I saw this movie in its limited US theatrical release back in 1990, and it changed my perception of what film could be. Alejandro Jodorowsky's films led me into the films of Werner Herzog, David Lynch, Luis Buñuel, Kenneth Anger, and countless others. This film still has a lasting hold on me, but it's influence has far exceeded its scope. I just wish that they would release a half-decent DVD of this film (ie: not the R-rated Blockbuster cut, or Chinese bootleg). I'm waiting.




10) The Iron Giant - 1999
Back in 2008 (when I started making this list) I was hard-obsessed with this movie. I was going to bump it, but the picture (left) was just too damned cool. Brad Bird directed this film after his work on the (golden-age) Simpsons and before his reign at Pixar. This is a smart, funny, touching movie that far exceeds expectations. Too bad Warner butt-fucked-up the release and tanked the movie out of the gate. Which left Bird to move on and make a bajillion dollars for Disney. Way to go, guys!




Honorable Mentions:
The Fog of War
Giants & Toys
The Night of the Hunter
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Sullivan's Travels

Censor FAIL

Those m*****fuckers over on Drudge need to pay closer attention.

Big Brother is Undressing You With His Eyes

The above image (left) was taken straight from the Drudge Report header accompanying an article on the push to get advanced imaging scanners in place in every airport ASAP. The above image (right) is that same image with the colors inverted. That's some crazy shit right there. All I did was load up PhotoShop, hit Ctrl+I, and got government supplied nudie pics.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all about public nudity, but I like having the liberty to pick the time and place when it's appropriate to whip it out (ie: bars, taverns, saloons, bar-mitzvahs, bat-mitzvahs, weddings, funerals, baptisms, etc.). Do we really want the TSA to have unfettered access to this technology? These are the same slack-jawed motherfuckers that think that everyone's trying to down planes with yogurt, sandals, and bottles of Dasani (apparently, TSA training consists entirely of repeated MacGyver marathons). You're telling me that those glorified mall-cops arent going to find a way to patch all of the images into an EHD? Keep dreaming - We're dealing with TSA screeners here, these are the flunkies willingly embrace the most hated vocation since IRS auditor. They're a monomaniacal mob of mongoloid masochists - This is sure to end well.
---

Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety - Richard Jackson

Phoneography

I just washed my phone (like a jackass). If anyone needs to contact me, please send me an e-mail.

To the fuckwad in the RAV-4 who just accelerated through the standing water by Liar's Club (thoroughly soaking me): I hope you choke to death on a syphilitic cock .

I Don't Wanna

Screen grab (click to enlarge) of CafePress trying to get me to support racism. That's racist!

D-Town, Ho!

I'll be out drinking at the Annex in D-Town tomorrow (Friday). Be sure to fortify your homes (and your wine) beforehand.

That is all.

New Favorite Thing Ever

I'm ALL about the game 'Plants -vs- Zombies' right now. I picked up the disc a couple of weeks ago and now have it installed on every computer I might ever use in the next decade or so (desktop, laptop, old PC at parents' house, The Girl's fruitputer, etc).
You should totally buy it too, so you can be cool like me:
Disc
-or-
Download

Still not convinced? Here's the trailer:

Hey, Hippie, Your Ass is Filthy

The granola and Birkenstock brigade has a new target in its beady bloodshot little sights: 'Luxury' toilet paper.
LINK
Yeah, go right ahead there, Tigger (if that is your real name), and wipe your ass with that squirrel, but you're not getting my Cottonelle unless you pry it from my cold dead hands.

You Have 127 New Messages

Really?
I just opened up my "Liar" e-mail account and found that I have a metric-but-load of new messages - all from Facebook -, which is roughly triple the amount of messages I've ever gotten at that address in it's existence.
Apparently Ms. Dena thought it would be fun to forcibly pop my social-networking cherry, so now I'm stuck in e-spreader bars, with a train of "friends" clogging up my inbox and regions beyond.

So to clear things up, The DCLies Facebook account is not me, but rather Ms. Dena pretending to be me, which is fine, because she'll probably make a better me than I would. Furthermore, I may take up the account eventually, get bored with it, and then at an indeterminate point transfer it back to Dena. We also may both take custody of the account and use our pre-nascent iParenting skills to neglect the account until it is forcibly removed from us by the online equivalent of the DCFS.
Crystal clear, right?

Fuck it; here's a picture that explains it:

Lollapaloser

I'm going to be at Loallapalooza all this weekend, and was wondering if anyone else was going to be there?

I couldn't be less excited now that the Beastie Boys canceled (way to be a total dick, cancer - ruining my weekend), but I bought the fucking 3-day pass, so I'm stuck.

Anyone?

Shaved my head [again] - First time in over a decade.
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Sent by a Cricket mobile device
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TEST
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Sent by a Cricket mobile device
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Lost My Stupid Phone

No, I'm not ignoring you.

I tied one on last night an disappeared my phone. I found out where I left it, but won't have it back until sometime tomorrow or Saturday.

Please make a note of it.

BWAAAHAHAHA!

It should now be evident that the extended hiatus of this blog was due to the intense time constraints imposed in the perfection of my weather control device (pictured).

I have been shifting the temperature back and forth in 40 degree increments over the past 48 hours as a show of my newly acquired power over the forces of nature.
It is time for the Chicagoland region to capitulate to my following demand:
- Allow smoking in bars, you nanny-state bastards.

If you don't revoke the smoking ban, my rein of discomfort will continue unfettered and you all will be forced to suffer through the rest of your pitiful existences with sweaters tied around your waists in order to avoid my wrath of continual climatological chaos.

All bow down before me, your new overlord:
The Liar.

This is Only a Test

Is anyone still out there, or have I killed this bitch dead?

Ron Ashton - 1948-2009

One of the all-time great guitarists, Ron Asheton, was found dead today in his Ann Arbor home. He (along with Fred "Sonic Smith" of MC5 --also dead--) created the signature "punk guitar sound" back in the 1960's. There wasn't another living guitarist that had as significant of an impact on the modern music scene as Ashton.
I was lucky enough to catch him play a couple of shows out on the east coast - One with J. Mascis & Mike Watt, and one of the Stooges reunion shows. Both were amazing.
He'll be missed.

Technical Difficulties (X-Mas Edition)

Notice:
If anyone sent me a text between late Monday Night and about 2PM on Christmas Day, I never got it.
I've been up in West Hooterville, Wisconsin over the past few days, and the closest thing that they have to internet connectivity out there is the town copy of 'The Book of Norwegian Jokes: Uff-Da Edition'.
It didn't help matters that I own the worst fucking phone ever conceived by beast or man. If there is any justice in the world, the worthless twat who designed the LG EnV will die of complications from a perforated bowel.

GOD, DO I HATE THIS PHONE! --pounding phone into desk--

Anyway, once I got back toward civilization, a message appeared on my phone screen: "12 Missed Messages - Inbox Full - Unable to Retrieve - Messages Deleted".
Fucking worthless phone.
So, if you were one of the people who texted me, I'm not intentionally being a huge X-Mas A-Hole (well, no more so than usual) - I just never got your message.

So to all those who tried to text me some baby Jesus B-Day shit; I say Merry X-Mas and watch out for the Krampus.

Does This Mean That the Smoking Banis Null & Void?

I know at one time or another we've all considered withholding funding from a Children's Hospital for bribe money, but the Blagoff is the only person (outside of a Dickens novel) to have the huevos to actually do so.
Kudos to you, Rod. You are truly a scum-fuck amongst scum-fucks.

Now do the honorable thing, and take a dive in front of a Brown Line train before you embarrass yourself even further.