Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Malodorous Metro Malcontents

Fucking hell. I'm calling jihad on the manufactures of Axe body spray.
I've been busy as fuck lately, and have been spending an inordinate amount of time on the DC subway (Metro). I've noticed the following things:
- Those kids love the Axe body spray. With an ad campaign like they have, it shouldn't be any surprise that the only people using that shit are prepubescent hood rats.
- Those kids have very poor judgement as to the "appropriate" amount of fragrance to apply. I've been off the Metro for 25 minutes, and I still can taste Axe.
- Moderate exposure to Axe makes my eyes water and makes me choke up. The amounts that I'm exposed to on the Metro make me see colors and blast puke.

Something has to be done about this nonsense. I'm fucking dying here. So far I have 2 distinct courses of action I'm planning to get rid of this menace:
a) An armed siege of the Axe manufacturing plant - This would (most likely) fail due to the fact that my eyes would melt at that level of exposure.
b) I'm working on a series of animated PSAs featuring a rapping kangaroo to let the kids know that 'Axe is whack'.
That'll work.

5 comments:

edP said...

If kids say no to drugs because of shit they read on a urinal mat - your rappin' kangaroo is sure to work

The Old Dog said...

First of all, don't you mean "Ask" body spray?

Think about this - that early in the morning, that stuff has got to still be flamable...

Jeanz said...

Speaking of your eyes melting, is everything still cool since the surgery? No wiggy after-effects? Can you see living skeletons now?

Mr. Love said...

Stamos is always wearing that fucking shit when we practice. I'm like "Who are you trying to impress, asshole? Because you're not getting into THESE pants tonight!"

edP said...

Stamos is trying to mask the sweat smell from playing the bongos so vigorously