Monday, February 27, 2006

Lost Weekend (and Other Items)

Apparently I was hit (repeatedly) by a huge fucking truck this weekend. I still can't put the occurrences of the weekend in chronological order, but have a charming series of Altmanesque vignettes that string together into a semi-coherent narrative.
Buy me a drink, and I'll tell you a story.

Lesson learned this weekend: Drunk girls are the North American equivalent of the pickpocket monkeys that plague India.
If you're out drinking heavily with a group of young ladies, expect to have every item in your possession removed from its rightful place and explored thoroughly. It is then YOUR responsibility to make sure you get everything back, for the safety of everyone. I came out of this weekend with one less pocket knife, and Kimberly got the full-treatment from the TSA folks at the airport (much to her surprise).

Good times, great stories, stubborn stains.


Michael K said...

I think you seem to be blaming this on drunk American girls. What is probably more true is that drunk American men (possibly all drunk men) love to buy drinks for the ladies. You know you're in trouble when you go out with your gal and a bunch of her friends are around but no other fellas. Girls go out with like 20 bucks on 'em (that gets you 3 drinks with tip in Chicago at a dive) knowing they probably won't spend all of it. Men are suckers. Drunk men are retarded suckers.

edP said...

"What you say is very fine indeed Cephalus," I said. "But as to this very thing, justice, shall we so simply assert that it is the truth and giving back what a man (woman) has taken from another, or is to do these things sometimes just and sometimes unjust? Take this case as an example of what I mean: everyone would surely say that if a man takes weapons from a friend when the latter is of sound mind, and the friend demands them back when he is mad, one shouldn't give back such things, and the man who gave them back would not be just, and moreover, one should not be willing to tell someone in this state the whole truth."

The Regime of Plato Book I 331c-d

The Old Dog said...

Josh, I'm sorry, but you probably deserve everything you get.

Now, go drink some more.

Kim said...

Don't wear chopsticks in your hair at the airport--esp if you've cut them down to size and sharpened the end with a pencil sharpener so you can cram it in your hair with out a blunt end ripping and splitting ends and whatnot.

Don't keep them in your purse either.
Don't try to sneak into the Danielson, CT courthouse with them either.
Don't get all mad when the guard takes them from you and makes a snotty comment when you ask if you can have them back like "What do I want them for?" and say loudly, as you're walking away : "Next time I'm coming in with a big DILDO in my purse and watching all the fun that goes down with that!"

Don't get all pissy when they make you take off your belt in front off all these grinning scummies either.
Or maybe, yeah, do that.

But probably don't go commenting on everyone's blog when your not awake and have been up since 3:30 AM. Or maybe, yeah, do that.