Monday, February 06, 2006

Why America Is Destined To Fail


I was skipping through a field of epissy this morning and was amazed at the number of people referencing Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl II.
For those of you not "in the know" this program is 3 hours of puppies playing. It was run before, during, and after the Super Bowl.
What the fuck is wrong with America? No wonder people hate us so much; it's hard to empathize with a nation who would stare at the most intellectually void pablum for hours on end. Fuck, even I want to attack us. This is nothing more than a Hallmark Card bowel movement, and I can't see anyone other than Jean Teasdale even tolerating this crap for more than a microsecond...
-um, well-
So, I was watching Puppy Bowl II last night, after the game, when I realized two things:
1) Puppies are cute.
2) I'm really fucking smashed, and my living room seems to be spinning at unsafe speeds.
Yeah, it got me for about a half-hour. I blame it on my party guests' unwillingness to do lemon Jello shots, thus leaving me with about a dozen (left-over) liquor filled treats to kill. That and the insane amounts of beer.
Today, I'm stuck at work with a Bukowski-worthy hang over, and a sense of liquor induced puppy shame that just won't go away. I think that I'm gonna have to watch "The Sorrow and the Pity" tonight as a penance for my indiscretions. I suggest you all do the same. And, I'll see you all at "Puppy Bowl III" next year. I'll bring the Jello shots.

7 comments:

Michael K said...

Josh, thank you for confessing to watching the puppies. As you may know, I too was drawn in by the black hole of cuteness that is the Puppy Bowl. If it weren't for my indifference to the kittens on the halftime show, I may have never escaped. You have validated my inner soccer mom.

Hope the hangover is subsiding. I reach for the vitamin water for relief. The one with all the B vitamins really helps.

The Old Dog said...

I am so glad that I only heard about this today.

edP said...

I lost 5 grand on the motherfucking puppy bowl.

edP said...

oh, next time you make reference to a CB worthy hangover, give us a Wikipedia link to the man. He wrote a hell of a lot of books hung over.

Who am I kidding, I'm to lazy to write a book, I'm too lazy to post a link on my own blog.

DC Liar said...

Ed-
re: I lost 5 grand on the motherfucking puppy bowl:
You shouldn't have bet on the basset.

re: give us a Wikipedia link:
Done and done.

Gundy said...

You can buy PB2 on DVD?!?

Don'ttellmewhowon! Don'ttellmewhowon! Lalalalalalala-Ican'thearyouuuuuuu-lalalalala

jes said...

Don Tivo'd puppy bowl! He's obsessed. Sorry about all the left over jello shots. I thought about coming back, got home and thought, nah. Thank god. . .don't think I could have dealt with that shame.