Wednesday, May 24, 2006

The Hits Just Keep A-Comin'

I'm in the middle of weird shit central lately. Here's a taste:

a) Phantom of K-Street:
I felt a pimple coming up on my cheek, so I broke out a skin peel to kill it. Well, the skin peel lived up to its name (and then some) - It took off 3 layers of skin.
I've been sporting the Nelly look this week at work with a band-aid over the open wound on my face.

b) The Rat-Farmers Strike Back:
On my way to work this morning there was a homeless guy weaving across the sidewalk in front of me (nothing new).
I timed his flailing and made a break to his left as he was going right to get past. No sooner than I get by him, I see him straighten out and jog up to me.
"What?" I say peeling out my headphones.
He starts begging me for a cigarette.
I hurriedly explain that I'd "borrowed" this one from the roommate, and needed to pick up more. I put my headphones back in and rushed to make the crosswalk before the light changed.
Then the fucker ran up and latched onto my arm.
This is the quickest way to piss me off. Period.
Ugliness ensued.
When I got to the subway platform the train was pulling away. I missed my train by the 25 seconds it took to deal with that fucking crack-head.

c) Workputer Blues:
Monday my computer started acting up. We figured it was a problem with the integrated video card. It's under warranty, so we called Dell tech support to replace it.
While waiting for Dell, the computer fixed itself. All day yesterday, and most of today, it was working fine.
The Dell guy got there this afternoon and managed to fuck the whole thing up beyond all belief. My workputer is now in pieces on my desk.
On an up note: I got off early today.

d) Hexed Keys:
I got off work early and couldn't get into my house because I mislaid my keys.
I knew this. I'd spent a good chunk of the day walking around the building at work after locking myself out on the loading dock (several times) during smoke breaks.

e)Chasing Walgreen's:
If you're not up on the Walgreen's thing read the post below.
Today Chase sent me an e-mail asking for a signed statement (with proof) in order to dispute the charge.
Proof? What the fuck kind of proof am I supposed to have that I DIDN'T place an order from Walgreen's Mail. The proof is the absence of proof. Ask motherfucking Walgreen's for some proof that I DID incur a charge. Plus I asked that Chase block all charges from that merchant; so WTF? Both of you can come over and suck some proof out of the end of my cock. Jesus!
I should have taken a break, because I immediately sent Chase a terse note telling them to fuck-off and fix it.
I'm screwed.


Michael K said...

Saw your dad on the news last night. Looks like he is taking some hits too. Also, you need to tell him to lay off the twinkies. He is not looking good.

I have had similar run ins with the homeless. I had a guy follow me into the courtyard of my building and I had to call the cops to get him to leave. That guy was so high he didn't know what the fuck he was doing.

Anyway, don't let all this shit ruin your life. Supposed to be nice out this weekend.

Kim said...

There is no way to make this not sound bad, so I won't even try:

On your homeless friend. The more time I spend trying to help homeless folks (non-crackhead types, just bad credit/minimal life-skills/poor choice after poor choice types) the more I wish I was back working in the barn shoveling shit and hanging with horses.

I gotta get out of social service.
It's making me mean.
Sorry to pity party on your blog.

edP said...

Regarding this:

"Proof? What the fuck kind of proof am I supposed to have that I DIDN'T place an order from Walgreen's Mail. The proof is the absence of proof. "

This is exactly how they nailed Joseph K.

You've just been traduced baby.

Sorry Kafka.

DC Liar said...


Can we keep the Mexicans and ship the homeless South of the Border?

The Old Dog said...

Chase blows. You should dump them as soon as possible. I plan to.

You should pay the homeless guy 10 bucks to pee in a local Walgreens. That might make you feel better.

DC Liar said...

Leave it to the Old Dog to come up with the perfect solution.
That guy is zen personified.