Friday, August 18, 2006

Adventures in Idiocy

It's pretty 'goth' out today - All grey and drizzly. Perfect hangover weather, and I've got one.
If you hit L&E earlier today you got to catch a drunkenly vague mobileblog post before I thought better and deleted it. Here's the rundown:
Last night the Big Drag fellers were kind enough to invite me to drink Old Style fan-cans in ChrisB's basement. I left Sugar Glove with a decent buzz a-goin', but (since I'm an idiot) I decided to hit the townie hook-up bar in Sandwich. I figured it would be good for a laugh and a few dirt-cheap shots. Bad idea.
I got there and downed a couple of $2 Jagerbombs and a couple of $1 Buds. I found the jukebox and loaded it up with the dozen tracks on the thing that didn't totally suck ass. I found a lot of old country (Cash, Cline, Coe, etc.) and a few old punk tracks (Clash, Ramones, Misfits) - It was coming up on last call so I figured that I could coast out the night with some good tunes in the air while I watched the inbreds pair off.
Two songs into my set some local shitkickers came in and started snaking my set with a shitload of "make mine first" plays on the jukebox. For those not in the know, the "make mine first" is the most evil invention in Jukebox history. For 3 credits you can break up an awesome set with your vapid crap. It makes my blood boil.
Anyway, these cowfags start in with the Nashville American flag and pickup truck songs, and a couple of crappy hay-ballads. I'm pissed so I start up a conversation with everyone within earshot about how modern pop-country is soulless corporate dreck aimed at repressed homosexuals. Seriously, the stuff is awful and has about as much to do with "country" as N-Synch has to do with "rock". I fucking can't stand it.
So I start getting an audience and my whiskeymouth was in full force. A bunch of guys stood up to me and a good old-fashioned shoving match ensued. One guy took a swing at me and I tripped him and gave him a good kick in the ass. It was about that time that we all were covered in bouncers. I'm not invited back.
Now the real question is: What kind of idiot goes on a drinking binge and decides to pick a fight with an entire bar the day after undergoing extensive eye surgery?
I are stupid.

On a similar note; Tonight is the last "id" night I have before my "superego" catches up with me tomorrow afternoon. Oh crap, I'm using Freudian psychobabble - I must be hungover.
Anyway, as I was trying to say; I'll be out in force tonight in D-Town if anyone cares to join me. The Girl gets into town tomorrow, so I won't be able to make a COMPLETE ass out of myself for the rest of my visit. Now's your last chance to witness the train-wreck that is me and bourbon.
Catch it if you can.


Kim said...

"Cowfags." Heh heh -- you have a gift for speaking the MOST unPC phrases that make my snobby, uptight New England-bred ass gasp with shock -- and delight.

Here's a team: Shooty (that's you) and me, you on bourbon, me on a bottle or more of wine.

Good lord.

I definately need new boots for this collaboration.

Lady Di )O( said...

That would be trouble. Kaka likes to flick her grits at people.

That stunt you pulled, Shooty, not so S-M-R-T. (bet it was fun, though)