Saturday, October 06, 2007

NFL Picks Week 5

I got off lucky last week. I went 8 & 6 with my picks, but most professional prognosticators did even worse. After last week's topsy-turvey games, I figured that a coin-flip had just as good of a chance of predicting the winners as anybody, so I'm undergoing an experiment this week.
This week I have a guest picker:
I present: The NRA commemorative medallion.
For every game this week I flipped this coin to determine the outcome of the game.
Heads = Home team win.
Tails = Road team win.
I'm picking the games as per usual, but am including the medallion's "picks" at the end of each breakdown.
Let's see who knows more about professional tackle-football; me or an inert hunk of bronze.

Last week's picks: 8-6
Season record: 39-23

1PM Sunday:

Arizona (2-2) over St. Louis (0-4)

Everyone was picking the Rams to be a playoff team and for the Cards to keep on sucking it in the '07 season. Everyone was wrong. Whisenhunt has done an unbelievable job polishing this red-bird-turd this year
NRA Medallion: Cardnials

New England (4-0) over Cleveland (2-2)
I'm hoping that the Browns win this one so that the Bears can get Brady Quinn after Cleveland puts the franchise tag on Anderson. It ain't gonna happen, but...
NRA Medallion: Browns

New Orleans (0-3) over Carolina (2-2)
If Carolina had Delhomme and not Carr starting this game, I'd pick the Panthers hands-down. With a shaken-up Carolina team, I think that the 'Aints have a real good shot to get their first win at home this week.
NRA Medallion: Saints
Postgame: News Flash - If the Saints can't get a win at home over a beat-down Carolina team, they really, really, really stink.

N.Y. Giants (2-2) over N.Y. Jets (1-3)
Giants are heading up, Jets are heading down. Momentum.
NRA Medallion: Giants

Pittsburgh (3-1) over Seattle (3-1)
This is probably the best-matched game in the NFL this week. I'm sticking with the home-team in this one.
NRA Medallion: Steelers

Washington (2-1) over Detroit (3-1)
The Lions have NEVER won at Washington. Let me say that again: The Lions have NEVER won at Washington. I don't see why this week should be any different. I don't care what the stupid medallion says.
NRA Medallion: Lions
Postgame: The Bears should send the Skins a cookie basket. Include a promissory note for more goodies if they can do the same thing against the Pack next week.

Houston (2-2) over Miami (0-4)
Texans -vs- Dolphins: It's a battle for the worst-named team in the NFL. As for the game itself, it's no contest: Texicans all the way. Hell, I'm hoping that the Fish go without a win all year. If they do, I'm getting a bunch of buddies together and pop a few bottles of champagne.
NRA Medallion: Dolphins
Postgame: Hey, Miami! Keep on sucking.

Tennessee (2-1) over Atlanta (1-3)
I would call this one a "lock", but I said that the Texans were a "lock" to beat Atlanta last week. That didn't happen. I'm more contrite this week in picking against the Birds.
NRA Medallion: Falcons

Jacksonville (2-1) over Kansas City (2-2)
The Chiefs might not be nearly as bad as I thought. That's the best I can say about 'em. I like the Jags.
NRA Medallion: Jaguars

4PM Sunday:
Indianapolis (4-0) over Tampa Bay (3-1)

Tampon Bay is doing pretty damned good this year with Garcia under center, unfortunately their Cadillac is in the shop for this road-trip to Indianapolis.
NRA Medallion: Colts

Denver (2-2) over San Diego (1-3)
This game could easily go either way. San Diego is desperate, and Denver just hasn't been able to get things done this year. I'm just picking the home team in this one.
NRA Medallion: Chargers
Postgame: The only move in the NFL stupider than axing Schottenheimer for Norv Turner to help the Chargers win in the playoffs was axing Jake Plummer for Jay Cutler to help the Broncos win in the playoffs. Neither of these teams will have to worry about winning in the playoffs for a long fucking time.

Baltimore (2-2) over San Francisco (2-2)
The Ravens look half-dead lately. The 49ers just lost their QB. God, this game is gonna be depressing. I'm gonna watch because it's the only 4PM game offered in my market, but I'm not gonna like it.
NRA Medallion: Ravens
Postgame: The most exciting part of this game was when I fell asleep on the couch during the third quarter and dreamed that I was being chased by zombies.

Primetime Sunday Game:
Chicago (1-3) over Green Bay (4-0)

The Bears have been built up over the years with one singular purpose in mind: To beat the fucking Packers. It's hurt us a lot over the years, but will come in handy for week 5.
The Bears got clowned in their last prime-time appearance against Dallas, so if they don't want to be completely written-off for this year, they'd better win. Everybody's gonna be watching.
NRA Medallion: Bears
Postgame: Wooooooooooo!!! Woooooooooo!!! Woooooooooo!!! Woo-Hoo!!!

Monday Night Game:
Dallas (4-0) over Buffalo (1-3)

The Bills seem to have found their stride with their new QB. Too bad that the Cowboys are visiting this week to snap the Williams' one game winning streak.
Programing Note: You might want to skip this one for Heroes or Playoff baseball (if the Yanks or the Angels can hold on for a game 4) unless you enjoy embarrassing beat-downs, or listening to three grown men kiss Romo's ass for 3 straight hours.
NRA Medallion: Bills
Postgame: Holy shit! This was probably the game of the year - I really hope that everyone ignored my advice and watched this one, it was a genuine nail-biter. I just wish that I had been wrong with this pick, and that the Williams could have pulled this one off.
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN

7 comments:

edP said...

This was great:

"The Chiefs might not be nearly as bad as I thought."

You almost weren't able to say something nice but said something anyway.

edP said...

good week baby

Prairie Dawg said...

Get yourself a 1-800 number* and start advertising on sports radio.

*er, if you don't have one already

Michael K said...

I am going to send those boys some prostitutes. Also, the Pack seemed a little deflated by the outcome of last nights game so it just might happen.

DC Liar said...

Right now, the Skins are a much better team than Chicago. I feel good about another GB loss next week.

GB's first 3 games were against the Eagles, Giants, Chargers, & Vikings. That looked like an impossible opening 3, until all of those teams started to free-fall. The Pack is good this year, but (also) really fucking lucky.

DC Liar said...

Vikings were not part of the opening 3 - They were 4th. I need to start checking my revisions before posting.

Chris B. said...

ed - you're thinking of a 900 number. That's the kind with the sex.