This time last week I was violently ill with "playoff fever", which (apparently) involves nervous vomiting, loss of reason, and explosive diarrhea (from consuming massive quantities of Old Style). I'm feeling much better now, thanks.
I've decided that the best course of action is to take a page from the more successful world religions and take my Cubs "faith" to the next level. Anyone who insists that the Cubs didn't win the World Series this year will be branded a heretic and be immersed head-first into a vat of boiling oil.
That solves that.
Okay, now that the Cubs have crapped-up their season, I need something else to get pissed about - Rally caps are that thing.
I'm watching these games and as soon as the home-team gets under, every Gomer in the stands has his fucking hat on inside-out. When did this become acceptable? What fucking dystopia are we living in when this is considered normal behavior?
Now you can't watch any televised sport without seeing this idiocy. Fuck, TO had his stupid fucking hat upside down on his stupid fucking head in that stupid fucking win over the stupid fucking Bills last Monday.
It's fucking stupid. Period. End.
Anyone over the age of 12 caught wearing a stupid fucking rally cap should be tasered, detained, and surgically sterilized by use of a knitting hook and a CrustaStun.
Carve it in stone.