Saturday, March 17, 2007

McRant

This is the third version of this post. Saturday I wrote another St. Paddy's rant, but chucked it because it was lame. Then I decided to post up a Video clip on Absinthe because a) It's green, and b) There's nothing like a love-note to some fancy-pants French liqueur to piss all over that sham holiday. That never got done, so now I'm back to a rant.

I love to drink (lots), and any excuse to get howl-at-the-moon stinko should be a good one, but fuck St. Patrick's day. Seriously. The more I think about it, the more worked-up I get. It's a holiday for a Roman-Catholic saint for Christ's sake. I'm not Christian, and sure as hell not Catholic (even though I should be able to claim so after enduring a 5-fucking-hour-long wedding ceremony). I'm a drunk, and I am part Irish - There's a long line of dirt-farmers, travelers, and white-trash crapping up that branch of my family tree.

St Paddy's Day (as we know it) isn't an Irish holiday. It's not a religious holiday. It's an American holiday. It's a bastardized 20th century Hallmark holiday fueled by Miller Lite and the makers of green food dye. Leave it to our dopey culture to turn a high holly McHoliday honoring some English slave turned zealot into an excuse to wear green, drink mint milkshakes, and get shitty on crappy beer dyed green. Jesus fucking Christ, what the hell is wrong with us? It's an Irish holiday, so we all have to get fucking loaded? I'm part Norwegian too, does that mean that I have to burn a Danish flag and dig up jars of fermented fish out of my backyard on Syttende Mai (May 7th)? It's just embarrassing, and real fucking lame. Period. End.
Oh, and if I see another cutesy leprechaun lapel pin it's going up someone's ass.

Here's my solution: Forget St. Paddy's Day - Bacchanalia is March 16th and 17th every fucking year. We get an extra day, and it celebrates a god who actually endorsed drinking, gluttony, and fornication. Sounds good to me.
The Italians are about to lose Columbus Day (all evidence indicates that he was born, raised, and lived in Spain), so Bacchanalia could be the new Dago Day. It'll be great. All the girls can put on too much eyeliner and dress up in gold-lame - All the guys can don knock-off Member's Only jackets embroidered with the Lamborghini emblem and sport bushy fake mustaches. We will all eat spaghetti, watch Satyricon, and talk like Sopranos. I can even envision a market for leaning-tower beer kegs and Mussolini pinatas. Who wouldn't love that?
It's fucking genius.

7 comments:

Michael K said...

I hate to do this, but here goes...
When we celebrate St. Patty's Day we ARE celebrating Bachanalia. Much like many other Roman, Greek, and Pagan holidays, St. Pat's was a holiday created on an already existing holiday and incorporated into the Catholic faith by playing on already existing holidays. Over time the "Asterit" festival which celebrated collecting birds eggs thought to have been laid by the magical hare became Easter. The decorating of trees and presenting them with gifts to pray for the return of the sun became Christmas. The writing of prayers to be left at the temple of the goddess of love became Valentine's Day.

St' Patty's is a lame and an invented holiday but at this point in our history there are few holidays that have not been slowly morphed from one thing to another over time. Waddya gonna do?

DC Liar said...

Point of clarification: St. Patrick died on the 17th of March in the year 461, but the holiday wasn't recognised by the church until the 17th century.
Granted, the church has been known to fudge dates (ie: rescheduling the Big J's b-day to coincide with the Winter Solstice), but in this case it seems like just a coincidence.
The Vatican could have changed his date of death to sync with Bacchanalia, but why hold off for 12 centuries to then time it with a celebration that was no longer observed and largely forgotten?

Michael K said...

Doesn't matter the actual date. So long as it was close rnough, the association was made. In fact, dates meant less than the interpretation pf the meaning of the date or season. Christ (the lamb of god) was most certainly born in the spring but the most important holidays prayung for the return of the sun were in December. There you go.

Bachanalia was celebrated not just on a day but during a period that varied to include the 14th and as far as the 28th throughout hiswtory. It changed every year whaen it concerned the Romans but noone else gave a shit.

Meat Head said...

St. Patrick was getting drunk on Bacchanalia and fell down the stairs.

Prairie Dawg said...

New Years Eve/
St.Patricks Day = amateur hour

DC Liar said...

PDawg - One of my DC friends just did a post on that. Check it out - LINK.

PYLB said...

It's pointless to argue the wisdom of the church (although I do it too). They only recently admitted that Galileo was correct in his assertion that the Earth is round. If your neighbor thought the world was flat, you'd stay far away from him and his weekend blood-drinking rituals.

It's also kind of pointless to argue what holidays mean anymore... if it's not a day off work, who really cares? They're almost all Christian copy-cat holidays, designed to sublimate anyone not already Christian. One could argue that all US holidays are rooted in conformity to a church-influenced state. Good excuse to drink if you consider yourself among the sublimated... What the hell else are you gonna do while you're waiting for Jesus to whisk you off to heaven?