Man, oh man, oh Manischewitz. It's been a hell of a time back in IL.
I've got drinking stories from the four corners of the Chicagoland region. I've decided to wait to post-up an Illinois drinkin' wrap-up once I get back to DC, so if you want to hear any of 'em early you're gonna have to meet me for a beer.
Here's my tentative drinking schedule:
Round 6 - Tonight @ Annex
Round 7 - Thursday in the 'Burbs
Round 8 - Friday @ Chicago
Round 9 - Saturday @ Chicago or D-Town
Round 10 - Sunday @ T.B.D.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Still Alive (Or At Least, Undead)
It's been a wild weekend, and I'm still seein' double. Hopefully I'll get some time to do a Southside/D-Town wrap-up.
Tonight it's drinkin' in the 'burbs - Wish me luck.
Tonight it's drinkin' in the 'burbs - Wish me luck.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Annex Saturday
Hey, Illinois peoples:
I'm calling an all-out hard-drinkin' throw-down for this Saturday (4/21) at the Annex (DeKalb).
Be there.
By the way, I just printed out my ATA receipt and the confirmation code was 'GOFKMN'. I think that I have to go fuck Minnesota while I'm back in the middle of west. Roadtrip! Who's with me?
I'm calling an all-out hard-drinkin' throw-down for this Saturday (4/21) at the Annex (DeKalb).
Be there.
By the way, I just printed out my ATA receipt and the confirmation code was 'GOFKMN'. I think that I have to go fuck Minnesota while I'm back in the middle of west. Roadtrip! Who's with me?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
My Two Cents
I really don't want to get into this, but have been asked by several people for my take on the Virginia Tech shooting and Gun Control. (Against my better judgement) Here it is:
Immediately after the Virginia Tech shooting spree Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) issued a statement saying, "I believe this will re-ignite the dormant effort to pass common-sense gun regulations in this nation.''
Problem is, if you wanted to go after the type of guns used in the shooting you would be forced to ban ALL guns. Why? Because the 2 firearms the assailant used were two of the least powerful guns available. They were the firearm equivalents of a Ford Taurus and a Geo Metro.
The guns that Cho Seung-Hui used were a Glock 9mm and a Walther P22. Those are the two most popular calibers on the market, and two of the three weakest calibers sold.
Most law enforcement has abandoned the 9mm caliber handguns because they just don't have sufficient stopping power. The U.S. Military doesn't even have an issue-graded 9mm pistol in its extraordinarily vast arsenal.
As a recreational shooter, I won't even bother with the 9mm. The rounds are buggy as all hell - cheaper is rarely better. The only 9mm pistol I ever considered purchasing was the Walther P99, but just didn't want any gun chambered for 9mm - I ended up waiting until Smith & Wesson issued its .45ACP version of the P99 (the SW990L) and picked that up.
The Walther P22 is little more than a glorified pellet gun and is sold almost exclusively as a "plinking" pistol. The .22LR ammo isn't recommended for hunting anything bigger than squirrels.
I actually own a Walther P22, but have never even thought of it as a defense weapon. If there was an intruder in the house, I'd grab the baseball bat before the P22.
To hear people refer to these two pistols as "assault weapons" just demonstrates the cluelessness of the opposition and the media. It would be like trying to classify a Shi Tzu as an "attack dog". To ban these types of weapons, you would logically have to ban every other single firearm by extension.
The kid went through legal channels to purchase the weapons and underwent a background check (which I support). There was no real way to deny him the right to purchase a firearm. This case was surprising because he did legally buy those guns. The great majority of guns used in crimes are bought through illegal back-channels.
Don't get me wrong, the tragedy at VT was a damned shame - A real fucking heartbreak, but the number of dead from that spree is still lower than the number of homicides in DC over the last 3 months (Jan - March 2007).
DC has the most stringent anti-gun laws in the nation, and the highest per-capita gun violence rate. Violent crime TRIPLED in the 15 years since the ban was enacted, where in other major metropolitan areas (without bans) the rate has remained constant or decreased.
The only way that this could have been stopped was if someone else in that building was carrying a gun to take him out. In a shoot-out between a 9mm or a .22LR and a .45ACP or a .357, Cho wouldn't have stood a chance. I can tell you that if someone came down my street shooting at anything that moved the guy wouldn't make it to the end of the block.
That's the bottom line - Guns can be used for nefarious actions, and guns can be used to stop the same. VT was a 'gun free' zone - Did that do more harm or good?
---
This is one of those issues that everybody is set in - Debating it is absolutely useless. It's like having Richard Dawkins trying to convince the Pope that there is no god.
These are just my views, for what they're worth. I just don't see how we can possibly stop something like this from happening unless we ban ALL guns and eradicate them from this nation like we did with drugs, terrorism, and premarital sex, or make it so that more people are carrying firearms to defend themselves against wack-jobs like Cho.
That's all I got.
Immediately after the Virginia Tech shooting spree Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) issued a statement saying, "I believe this will re-ignite the dormant effort to pass common-sense gun regulations in this nation.''
Problem is, if you wanted to go after the type of guns used in the shooting you would be forced to ban ALL guns. Why? Because the 2 firearms the assailant used were two of the least powerful guns available. They were the firearm equivalents of a Ford Taurus and a Geo Metro.
The guns that Cho Seung-Hui used were a Glock 9mm and a Walther P22. Those are the two most popular calibers on the market, and two of the three weakest calibers sold.
Most law enforcement has abandoned the 9mm caliber handguns because they just don't have sufficient stopping power. The U.S. Military doesn't even have an issue-graded 9mm pistol in its extraordinarily vast arsenal.
As a recreational shooter, I won't even bother with the 9mm. The rounds are buggy as all hell - cheaper is rarely better. The only 9mm pistol I ever considered purchasing was the Walther P99, but just didn't want any gun chambered for 9mm - I ended up waiting until Smith & Wesson issued its .45ACP version of the P99 (the SW990L) and picked that up.
The Walther P22 is little more than a glorified pellet gun and is sold almost exclusively as a "plinking" pistol. The .22LR ammo isn't recommended for hunting anything bigger than squirrels.
I actually own a Walther P22, but have never even thought of it as a defense weapon. If there was an intruder in the house, I'd grab the baseball bat before the P22.
To hear people refer to these two pistols as "assault weapons" just demonstrates the cluelessness of the opposition and the media. It would be like trying to classify a Shi Tzu as an "attack dog". To ban these types of weapons, you would logically have to ban every other single firearm by extension.
The kid went through legal channels to purchase the weapons and underwent a background check (which I support). There was no real way to deny him the right to purchase a firearm. This case was surprising because he did legally buy those guns. The great majority of guns used in crimes are bought through illegal back-channels.
Don't get me wrong, the tragedy at VT was a damned shame - A real fucking heartbreak, but the number of dead from that spree is still lower than the number of homicides in DC over the last 3 months (Jan - March 2007).
DC has the most stringent anti-gun laws in the nation, and the highest per-capita gun violence rate. Violent crime TRIPLED in the 15 years since the ban was enacted, where in other major metropolitan areas (without bans) the rate has remained constant or decreased.
The only way that this could have been stopped was if someone else in that building was carrying a gun to take him out. In a shoot-out between a 9mm or a .22LR and a .45ACP or a .357, Cho wouldn't have stood a chance. I can tell you that if someone came down my street shooting at anything that moved the guy wouldn't make it to the end of the block.
That's the bottom line - Guns can be used for nefarious actions, and guns can be used to stop the same. VT was a 'gun free' zone - Did that do more harm or good?
---
This is one of those issues that everybody is set in - Debating it is absolutely useless. It's like having Richard Dawkins trying to convince the Pope that there is no god.
These are just my views, for what they're worth. I just don't see how we can possibly stop something like this from happening unless we ban ALL guns and eradicate them from this nation like we did with drugs, terrorism, and premarital sex, or make it so that more people are carrying firearms to defend themselves against wack-jobs like Cho.
That's all I got.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Flickr the Second
I just got up the second batch of 20 photos up to my Flickr page. If you like artsy (and/or fartsy), you're in for a treat - Just click to "large" and enjoy.There's some good stuff up in there, including the unphotoshoped Spring WILT cover and an alternate (pictured).
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Shitheads In the News
The Drinky Joe fake-poop-in-a-can incident I mentioned awhile back just made it into the mainstream media.LINK
---
Speaking of Shitheads, It looks like Imus just got shit-canned from MSNBC.
I'm still holding a grudge against that guy from last October (so no love loss here), but everyone might want to invest in an English to new-speak dictionary.
---
The identity of the Duke lacrosse pole-shiner just was released. Her name is (wait - for - it) Crystal Gail Mangum.
What the fuck? I wouldn't deliver a fucking pizza to someone who gave me that name, let alone rely on them to serve as the sole witness in a high-publicity felony trial.
---
Finally, Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees managed to burn down Johnny Cash's mansion. That twat is bound and determined to ruin everything even tangentially related to music, isn't he?
Unfortunately, Mr. Gibb was not in the house at the time of the disco inferno.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Flickr? Hardly Knewhr.
I just posted up onto my Flickr page the first half of the horde of photos I've been accumulating. Look for the second load sometime next week.Enjoy.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
What I'm Listening To - Spring 2007
Okay kids, the Spring 2007 WILT is here, but we need to clear one thing up: There's a pervasive misconception among you WILTers that I have some idea of what's new and hip.
I don't.
With the exception of a small handful of tracks off of each album, most of the artists I throw up on these things are more obscure than your average Kuiper Belt cubewano. If you went up to your garden-variety Hot Topic hipster and started talking about most of the bands on these things, you'd get roughly the same expression that you'd get for discussing the same with your grandmom's roommate at the nursing home.
These bands may not be popular, but they are good. You're not gonna hear any of this stuff on the radio unless it's magic (not 'Magic103', I'm talkin' about real magic - with a 'k'). And that's just stupid talk.
Anyway, that's why I throw these things together every 3 months, because if I didn't you'd never get the opportunity to hear this stuff. And that would be a damned shame.
Thanx to The Girl for hand-modeling for the cover
Liner Notes:
1) Earl Weaver - Opening Tirade
from the radio show 'Manager's Corner' (exact date unknown)
Spring means baseball, and I can't thing of a better way to kick off this comp than with some words of wisdom from the game's greatest statesman. The Earl of Baltimore was never one to mince words, so you might have some strategic coughing to do if the kids are in the room.
2) Foetus - I Hate You All
from the 2006 album Damp
I've thrown up just about every J.G. Thirlwell side-project on previous WILTs (look for Wiseblood on the Summer comp), but (somehow) never got around to including a song from his flagship band, Foetus. Well, here you go - This has been one of my favorite bands for well over 15 years.
3) Electric Six - Pink Flamingos
from the 2006 album Switzerland
More degenerate rockin' from everybody's favorite Detroit ne’er-do-wells (excepting the Lions).
4) Greg Graffin - Don't Be Afraid to Run
from the 2006 album Cold as the Clay
I thought that the idea of having the lead singer of Bad Religion doing an American roots-music influenced solo-project sounded like a recipe for suck. Then I heard it - I was way off base.
5) All - Until I Say So
from the 1998 album Mass Nerder
I've been pimping Drag the River for the last few years, and (inevetably) someone will ask which singer is which. I decided that it'd be a good idea to put an All and Armchair Martian track back-to-back so y'all could hear for yourselves. I chose these two songs because they both were recycled as Drag the River songs (tracks 2 and 3 off of Chicken Demos). This track features Chad Price.
6) Armchair Martian - Not Fine
from the 1997 Self-Titled release
Okay, in the time since I had that brilliant idea, Drag the River disbanded (at least for the rest of this tour - Everything I've been able to find on the split has been incredibly vague). AM has been talking about getting back for awhile, and now it looks like a done deal. Become acquainted with your new favorite band. This track features Mr. Jon Snodgrass.
7) Bad Astronaut - Minus
from the 2006 album Twelve Small Steps, One Giant Disappointment
This was the last Bad Astronaut release. One of the founding members killed himself, and the rest of the band decided to pack it in after completing this one as a tribute. Due to those circumstances, this album is a lot darker than their earlier stuff, but damn is it good.
8) The Queers - Tangerine
from the 2007 album Munki Brain
Yes, The Queers are still around. They started to fade from the spotlight back in the 90's, but have still managed to crank out consistently good albums. This one was written by Ben Weasel for 'em.
9) M.O.T.O. - Midnight at the Guantanamo Room
from the 1994 EP Mind of a Child
"Everybody wants to play the guitar - Nobody wants to play the fish*." Brilliant.
If this band was a person, it could legally drink. Most bands would hang it up after toiling for over 20 years in obscurity. MOTO just plays more shows.
I'm kinda bummed that they're in the middle of a European tour this month. I had hoped to catch 'em (at least once) while I was back in IL.
10) Nerf Herder - I Want to Take You Out for Ice Cream
from the 2003 re-release of My EP (with bonus tracks)
I think that this song is incredibly romantic (which is why you should never date me). Great Spring song, and it gets extra-bonus points for mentioning baseball.
11) Me First & the Gimme Gimmes - Goodbye Earl
from the 2006 album Love Their Country
The boys from NOFX, Lagwagon, Swingin' Utters, and Foo Fighters take on the Dixie Chicks jukebox standard. Everybody wins, or loses, or whatever.
12) The Dwarves - Salt Lake City
from the 2004 album The Dwarves Must Die
This is why I love this band. They easily shift from pop-punk to thrash to scream-core to white-boy hip-hop. And that's all on one record.
This one's all bubblegum.
13) Naked Raygun - Treason
from the 1989 album Understand?
This one goes out to D-Chain, Hot Karl, G-Dub and the rest of the West Wing Runnin' Krew.
It looks like the NR guys are gonna be back for awhile, and have a new album in the pipe. Hopefully the new one will be better than Demohicans. Regardless, I'll see you all out at the NR HOB late show on the 27th.
14) The Methadones - Starry Eyes
from the 2006 album 21st Century Power Pop Riot
Danny Vapid and the rest of the Methadone boys crank out a killer cover of a Records song. This is taken from their latest (all covers) album.
15) Sonic Youth - Ca Plane Pour Moi
from the 1992 compilation Freedom of Choice
Wow! Two power-pop covers in a fucking row, who woulda thunk it?
They used a version of this song in a Pepsi commercial, and I drove myself crazy trying to place it. For some reason I was convinced that it was the Jim Carroll Band, but just couldn't find anything. That went on for weeks, but since the title is all jibber-jabber nonsense (Elise claims that it's "French", but I'm skeptical) I was at a dead end. Then all of a sudden I remembered this little known comp from the early 90's - Bingo. Score one for the record nerd.
This one was originally done by Plastic Bertrand, who may (or may not) be the ones in the Pepsi commercial.
16) Cecil - Super "Shoomin" Car
from the 2004 soundtrack for Shimotsuma Monogatari (Kamikaze Girls)
If you still haven't seen this movie, you're missing out - Hands down, the best movie I saw last year.
I'm still on a huge J-Pop kick. People love to hate pop music. Not just the crap boy-band pop music, but ALL pop music. I disagree. It's fucking easy to down-tune your guitar and wail out a pile of whiny drivel about how miserable you are, but it takes TALENT to put those lyrics to saccharine sweet dance music. Suck on that, emo kid.
17) The Raveonettes - Love Can Destroy Everything
from the 2003 album The Chain Gang of Love
I can't believe that I hadn't put this one into a mix before. I think that I was saving it, and then forgot about it.
For awhile, the Raveonettes, were the 'next big thing' and then went straight to the cut-out bin - You do one K-Mart commercial...
18) The Anniversary - Tu-Whitt Tu-Whoo
from the 2002 album Your Majesty
I'm using one this as a counter-point to the previous song. This is a truly great love song (which are hard as hell to find), even though I'm pretty sure that it's about trying to score a one-night stand.
19) Murder City Devils - 18 Wheels
from the 1998 album Empty Bottles, Broken Hearts
God, I love this song. Empty Bottles, Broken Hearts is easily the quintessential MCD record. If you don't own it already, you really should click on the link above and pick it up while Amazon is still hockin' it for under $9 - New. You won't be disappointed.
20) Firewater - Bourbon and Division
from the 1996 album Get Off the Cross, We Need the Wood for the Fire
I really wanted to include a track from Tod A's old band (Cop Shoot Cop) on this one, but none of them seemed to fit. This track fits perfectly, and is a damn fine song to boot.
21) Jason Webley - May Day
from the 2004 album Only Just Beginning
Once again, I had a different JW song in the mix for months. During the final cut, I was still way over in time, and had to cut something. I couldn't justify including a 6 minute track, so I went searching for a shorter track. By happy coincidence this one fit, and works better in the mix that my original.
22) Mark Linskey - Windfall
from the 2002 album Songs of Freedom
Mr. Mark from The Hudson Falcons covers a song from the Son Volt album 'Trace'. Good stuff.
I have a long post on the whole Uncle Tupelo/Son Volt/Wilco thing that I probably won't ever get around to doing, so for now all I'll say is that I've always liked this song.
23) Against Me! - Wagon Wheel
from the 2005 compilation Protect
Okay, here we go. I've been dreading writing this write-up. Hold on, the story here is fairly convoluted.
This song was originally done by the band Old Crow Medicine Show, but was credited to Bob Dylan. Why? Because the songwriter from OCMS lifted the chorus from a Dylan tune, and decided to just credit the whole thing to him rather than risk potential litigation. Then acoustic cow-punk darlings, Against Me!, decided to cover it for this benefit album.
Why go through all of that mess just for one song? Because it's fucking awesome. End.
24) Bob Dylan - See That My Grave is Kept Clean
from the 1962 Self-Titled release
I've always kinda dismissed Dylan as 'hippie shit', but recently I'd started to hear more of his early stuff on TV and in movies. I was forced to reconsider. I picked up his first 4 albums on a whim, and they've been in heavy rotation.
This one is off of his debut, and is an incredible piece of work. No wonder Cash loved him so much.
25) The .357 String Band - Shotdown
from the 2006 album Ghost Town
Milwaukee "Streetgrass" - Who woulda thought that could be any good?
Jimmy the Carney sent me out this CD to see if I'd be interested in helping these guys book some shows out here on the East Coast. By the time I got the CD, the singer had gotten himself thrown in jail - End of tour. I'm really digging these guys, and hoping that the singer gets paroled soon.
26) The Lillingtons - Stay Tuned
from the 2006 album The Too Late Show
It's hard finding good pop-punk nowadays. It's even harder finding good pop-punk bands that don't break-up after a couple of albums. These guys were 3 and out. This is off of their last one.
27) Screeching Weasel - Bottom of the 9th
from the 2000 album Teen Punks In Heat
The last comp started off with a Screeching weasel track that topped 5 minutes, so I figured that it was fitting that I end this one with a SW track that clocks in at under a minute. Plus, this track does a good job of capping off the half-assed baseball theme of this WILT.
Do 2 songs (both under 55 seconds and not really about the game) and one profanity-laced audio clip constitute a theme? I sez they do.
---
You know you want it. There's only 50 of these things, and when they're gone - they're GONE.
Send your address (if I don't already have it) to dclies(at)gmail.com, and I'll send you out a CD - If I do have your address, you should still send in a request, so that these things aren't clogging up our nation's landfills like so many AOL mailer discs.
All this can be yours for the low, low, price of $0.00. I'm practically** givin' these things away. You'd better get on the boat quickly before I regain my senses and stop this insanity.
* bass
**read: literally
I don't.
With the exception of a small handful of tracks off of each album, most of the artists I throw up on these things are more obscure than your average Kuiper Belt cubewano. If you went up to your garden-variety Hot Topic hipster and started talking about most of the bands on these things, you'd get roughly the same expression that you'd get for discussing the same with your grandmom's roommate at the nursing home.
These bands may not be popular, but they are good. You're not gonna hear any of this stuff on the radio unless it's magic (not 'Magic103', I'm talkin' about real magic - with a 'k'). And that's just stupid talk.
Anyway, that's why I throw these things together every 3 months, because if I didn't you'd never get the opportunity to hear this stuff. And that would be a damned shame.
Thanx to The Girl for hand-modeling for the cover1) Earl Weaver - Opening Tirade
from the radio show 'Manager's Corner' (exact date unknown)
Spring means baseball, and I can't thing of a better way to kick off this comp than with some words of wisdom from the game's greatest statesman. The Earl of Baltimore was never one to mince words, so you might have some strategic coughing to do if the kids are in the room.
2) Foetus - I Hate You All
from the 2006 album Damp
I've thrown up just about every J.G. Thirlwell side-project on previous WILTs (look for Wiseblood on the Summer comp), but (somehow) never got around to including a song from his flagship band, Foetus. Well, here you go - This has been one of my favorite bands for well over 15 years.
3) Electric Six - Pink Flamingos
from the 2006 album Switzerland
More degenerate rockin' from everybody's favorite Detroit ne’er-do-wells (excepting the Lions).
4) Greg Graffin - Don't Be Afraid to Run
from the 2006 album Cold as the Clay
I thought that the idea of having the lead singer of Bad Religion doing an American roots-music influenced solo-project sounded like a recipe for suck. Then I heard it - I was way off base.
5) All - Until I Say So
from the 1998 album Mass Nerder
I've been pimping Drag the River for the last few years, and (inevetably) someone will ask which singer is which. I decided that it'd be a good idea to put an All and Armchair Martian track back-to-back so y'all could hear for yourselves. I chose these two songs because they both were recycled as Drag the River songs (tracks 2 and 3 off of Chicken Demos). This track features Chad Price.
6) Armchair Martian - Not Fine
from the 1997 Self-Titled release
Okay, in the time since I had that brilliant idea, Drag the River disbanded (at least for the rest of this tour - Everything I've been able to find on the split has been incredibly vague). AM has been talking about getting back for awhile, and now it looks like a done deal. Become acquainted with your new favorite band. This track features Mr. Jon Snodgrass.
7) Bad Astronaut - Minus
from the 2006 album Twelve Small Steps, One Giant Disappointment
This was the last Bad Astronaut release. One of the founding members killed himself, and the rest of the band decided to pack it in after completing this one as a tribute. Due to those circumstances, this album is a lot darker than their earlier stuff, but damn is it good.
8) The Queers - Tangerine
from the 2007 album Munki Brain
Yes, The Queers are still around. They started to fade from the spotlight back in the 90's, but have still managed to crank out consistently good albums. This one was written by Ben Weasel for 'em.
9) M.O.T.O. - Midnight at the Guantanamo Room
from the 1994 EP Mind of a Child
"Everybody wants to play the guitar - Nobody wants to play the fish*." Brilliant.
If this band was a person, it could legally drink. Most bands would hang it up after toiling for over 20 years in obscurity. MOTO just plays more shows.
I'm kinda bummed that they're in the middle of a European tour this month. I had hoped to catch 'em (at least once) while I was back in IL.
10) Nerf Herder - I Want to Take You Out for Ice Cream
from the 2003 re-release of My EP (with bonus tracks)
I think that this song is incredibly romantic (which is why you should never date me). Great Spring song, and it gets extra-bonus points for mentioning baseball.
11) Me First & the Gimme Gimmes - Goodbye Earl
from the 2006 album Love Their Country
The boys from NOFX, Lagwagon, Swingin' Utters, and Foo Fighters take on the Dixie Chicks jukebox standard. Everybody wins, or loses, or whatever.
12) The Dwarves - Salt Lake City
from the 2004 album The Dwarves Must Die
This is why I love this band. They easily shift from pop-punk to thrash to scream-core to white-boy hip-hop. And that's all on one record.
This one's all bubblegum.
13) Naked Raygun - Treason
from the 1989 album Understand?
This one goes out to D-Chain, Hot Karl, G-Dub and the rest of the West Wing Runnin' Krew.
It looks like the NR guys are gonna be back for awhile, and have a new album in the pipe. Hopefully the new one will be better than Demohicans. Regardless, I'll see you all out at the NR HOB late show on the 27th.
14) The Methadones - Starry Eyes
from the 2006 album 21st Century Power Pop Riot
Danny Vapid and the rest of the Methadone boys crank out a killer cover of a Records song. This is taken from their latest (all covers) album.
15) Sonic Youth - Ca Plane Pour Moi
from the 1992 compilation Freedom of Choice
Wow! Two power-pop covers in a fucking row, who woulda thunk it?
They used a version of this song in a Pepsi commercial, and I drove myself crazy trying to place it. For some reason I was convinced that it was the Jim Carroll Band, but just couldn't find anything. That went on for weeks, but since the title is all jibber-jabber nonsense (Elise claims that it's "French", but I'm skeptical) I was at a dead end. Then all of a sudden I remembered this little known comp from the early 90's - Bingo. Score one for the record nerd.
This one was originally done by Plastic Bertrand, who may (or may not) be the ones in the Pepsi commercial.
16) Cecil - Super "Shoomin" Car
from the 2004 soundtrack for Shimotsuma Monogatari (Kamikaze Girls)
If you still haven't seen this movie, you're missing out - Hands down, the best movie I saw last year.
I'm still on a huge J-Pop kick. People love to hate pop music. Not just the crap boy-band pop music, but ALL pop music. I disagree. It's fucking easy to down-tune your guitar and wail out a pile of whiny drivel about how miserable you are, but it takes TALENT to put those lyrics to saccharine sweet dance music. Suck on that, emo kid.
17) The Raveonettes - Love Can Destroy Everything
from the 2003 album The Chain Gang of Love
I can't believe that I hadn't put this one into a mix before. I think that I was saving it, and then forgot about it.
For awhile, the Raveonettes, were the 'next big thing' and then went straight to the cut-out bin - You do one K-Mart commercial...
18) The Anniversary - Tu-Whitt Tu-Whoo
from the 2002 album Your Majesty
I'm using one this as a counter-point to the previous song. This is a truly great love song (which are hard as hell to find), even though I'm pretty sure that it's about trying to score a one-night stand.
19) Murder City Devils - 18 Wheels
from the 1998 album Empty Bottles, Broken Hearts
God, I love this song. Empty Bottles, Broken Hearts is easily the quintessential MCD record. If you don't own it already, you really should click on the link above and pick it up while Amazon is still hockin' it for under $9 - New. You won't be disappointed.
20) Firewater - Bourbon and Division
from the 1996 album Get Off the Cross, We Need the Wood for the Fire
I really wanted to include a track from Tod A's old band (Cop Shoot Cop) on this one, but none of them seemed to fit. This track fits perfectly, and is a damn fine song to boot.
21) Jason Webley - May Day
from the 2004 album Only Just Beginning
Once again, I had a different JW song in the mix for months. During the final cut, I was still way over in time, and had to cut something. I couldn't justify including a 6 minute track, so I went searching for a shorter track. By happy coincidence this one fit, and works better in the mix that my original.
22) Mark Linskey - Windfall
from the 2002 album Songs of Freedom
Mr. Mark from The Hudson Falcons covers a song from the Son Volt album 'Trace'. Good stuff.
I have a long post on the whole Uncle Tupelo/Son Volt/Wilco thing that I probably won't ever get around to doing, so for now all I'll say is that I've always liked this song.
23) Against Me! - Wagon Wheel
from the 2005 compilation Protect
Okay, here we go. I've been dreading writing this write-up. Hold on, the story here is fairly convoluted.
This song was originally done by the band Old Crow Medicine Show, but was credited to Bob Dylan. Why? Because the songwriter from OCMS lifted the chorus from a Dylan tune, and decided to just credit the whole thing to him rather than risk potential litigation. Then acoustic cow-punk darlings, Against Me!, decided to cover it for this benefit album.
Why go through all of that mess just for one song? Because it's fucking awesome. End.
24) Bob Dylan - See That My Grave is Kept Clean
from the 1962 Self-Titled release
I've always kinda dismissed Dylan as 'hippie shit', but recently I'd started to hear more of his early stuff on TV and in movies. I was forced to reconsider. I picked up his first 4 albums on a whim, and they've been in heavy rotation.
This one is off of his debut, and is an incredible piece of work. No wonder Cash loved him so much.
25) The .357 String Band - Shotdown
from the 2006 album Ghost Town
Milwaukee "Streetgrass" - Who woulda thought that could be any good?
Jimmy the Carney sent me out this CD to see if I'd be interested in helping these guys book some shows out here on the East Coast. By the time I got the CD, the singer had gotten himself thrown in jail - End of tour. I'm really digging these guys, and hoping that the singer gets paroled soon.
26) The Lillingtons - Stay Tuned
from the 2006 album The Too Late Show
It's hard finding good pop-punk nowadays. It's even harder finding good pop-punk bands that don't break-up after a couple of albums. These guys were 3 and out. This is off of their last one.
27) Screeching Weasel - Bottom of the 9th
from the 2000 album Teen Punks In Heat
The last comp started off with a Screeching weasel track that topped 5 minutes, so I figured that it was fitting that I end this one with a SW track that clocks in at under a minute. Plus, this track does a good job of capping off the half-assed baseball theme of this WILT.
Do 2 songs (both under 55 seconds and not really about the game) and one profanity-laced audio clip constitute a theme? I sez they do.
---
You know you want it. There's only 50 of these things, and when they're gone - they're GONE.
Send your address (if I don't already have it) to dclies(at)gmail.com, and I'll send you out a CD - If I do have your address, you should still send in a request, so that these things aren't clogging up our nation's landfills like so many AOL mailer discs.
All this can be yours for the low, low, price of $0.00. I'm practically** givin' these things away. You'd better get on the boat quickly before I regain my senses and stop this insanity.
* bass
**read: literally
Saturday, April 07, 2007
C'mon Feel the Illinoise
You asked for it, people - I'll be back in the Land of Lincoln from the 21st through the 29th of April.
The only real thing I have on my agenda (so far) is the Naked Raygun (late) show on the 27th. I'm also planning on doing an Annex night on the 21st. Let me know if anything else is goin' down in that time frame.
---
Kim - If you're thinking of heading back too, be sure to checkout ATA. I got tickets for $49 each way.
The only real thing I have on my agenda (so far) is the Naked Raygun (late) show on the 27th. I'm also planning on doing an Annex night on the 21st. Let me know if anything else is goin' down in that time frame.
---
Kim - If you're thinking of heading back too, be sure to checkout ATA. I got tickets for $49 each way.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Iggy and the Stooges 4/5/07 @ 9:30 Club, DC
Okay, Here's the Deal:I'm going to preface this with stating that The Stooges are one of the 5 greatest bands off all time, and that they pretty much co-founded the Punk movement back in the 60's (along with The MC5). The Ramones got together because they were all Stooges fans - 'nuff said.
These guys are fucking legends. Even the 'replacement' bassist, Mike Watt (Minutemen, fIREHOSE), is a fucking legend in his own right.
Which is why it's a total mystery that they managed to score two of the shittiest opening bands I've ever had the displeasure of sitting through. I would wager that almost any punk or indie-rock band out there would fucking KILL for that opening spot. They could have gotten a big act like Rancid to open for christ's sake. For my money, an old UK 'reunion' band like Stiff Little Fingers, The Business, or The Buzzcocks would have been the perfect fit. Instead we get some tone-deaf girl band and some crappy glam-upstart NY Dolls rip-off. Fuck, They probably could have gotten the actual New York Dolls to open if they asked nice. Whatever.
The Stooges took the stage at midnight and TORE IT UP. Totally impressive set.
Since I'm a little bitch, I'm just going to nag on the one thing that annoyed the hell out of me. They didn't play 'Search and Destroy' or a few of my other favorites, but they played 'I Wanna Be Your Dog' twice. What the fuck? Reprise my ass.
For as awesome as the band was, the crowd seriously sucked. Any sold-out show is gonna test my nerve, but there were a few instances where I was damn-near going into 'bloodbath' mode. Here's a little tip: If you're a 5'5" frat-boy-lookin' mother-fucker, quit trying to push the pissed off looking 6'1" heavily-tattooed guy out of the way. You will get tossed - Again. Then you will get beat.
The Girl and I spent the show with our backs planted firmly against a pillar half-way along the side of the venue. Partway into the set some patchouli-soaked hippie and his lard-assed girlfriend managed to wedge themselves into the foot-wide gap between us and the crowd in front of us. That dirty cocksucker kept backing up until his ass was literally pressed against my crotch. I did the only thing I could think of - next time he tried to scoot further back into me I jammed my thumb straight up into his ass. He jumped around and I gave him the 'move or die' look - we never saw 'em again. A little later, some really tall drunk girl started to grind into me from the other side. That I didn't mind so much.
Fucking people.
All I want is to go out and see a show where I don't end up with a load of pilfered dirt, or my thumb up some hippie's ass. Is that too much to ask?
Thursday, April 05, 2007
YouTube Nostalgia Trip
Does anyone else remember EBN? I was introduced to these guys on the first Lollapalooza tour, and picked up their 'Commercial Entertainment Product' video as soon as it hit the shelves back in '92. I wore that fucking tape out (literally). I looked around for a replacement forever, but never had any luck in finding anything affordable.
Well, now all of their stuff is up on the YouTube - All you have to do search for 'EBN - Emergency Broadcast Network', and you're all set. You're on your own in trying to score a 5-strip of windowpane, however.
Well, now all of their stuff is up on the YouTube - All you have to do search for 'EBN - Emergency Broadcast Network', and you're all set. You're on your own in trying to score a 5-strip of windowpane, however.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Sebadoh @ 9:30 Club, DC 4/3/07
Headed out to to the Sebadoh show last night. That was exactly what I needed - A great fucking rock show to get the blood a-flowin'. The couple of shows I've been to this year have been okay, but nothing that has gotten me all riled up.The Bent Moustache, an indie-noise band from the Netherlands, opened and were pretty damned good.
Sebadoh flat-out ROCKED it. They played a load of stuff off of their early Sub-Pop releases, and really got back to the 'wall of noise' sound. I heard a bunch of tracks that I never would have expected to hear live, and they split the vocal duties pretty evenly between Lou, Jason, and Eric.
They missed a few of my favorites, but the set was truly impressive. I'm so glad I decided to head out to see these guys again.
I'm markedly less glad regarding my decisions following the show.
I ran into a bunch of drinkin' buddies at the show, and we decided to head down to Black Cat for a good old drinking grudge match. Shots were plentiful.
Everything is real fucking hazy after that. I (sorta) remember puking into a urinal after a shot of Jameson's and falling into the bathtub once I got home. Classy.
I woke up this morning sprawled out on the couch with my pants around my ankles. Also, (somehow) I ended up with a big fucking bag of ill-gotten potting soil out on my front porch.
All hail Drinky Josh, dirt-bandit extraordinaire.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Opening Day
Sometime yesterday I got a wild-hair and decided to head out to RFK for the Nationals opener today. I'm such a fucking genius.A made a couple of phone calls this morning - Got my buddy Nate to meet me out at the park for the game, and managed to secure a couple of free 4th-row tickets right above the visitors dugout - Score.
If that wasn't awesome enough, we also scored tickets to the Budweiser tailgate with free beer, BBQ, and bratwurst - Double score.
We even walked away from the tailgate with schwag-bags filled with free Nats hats and other assorted gratis goodies - Triple Score.
By the time the game started we were working on a decent buzz, full of food, staked out in some bitchin' seats, and still hadn't dropped one dime.
It was the perfect baseball day - mid 70's and clear as could be. Perfect.
It was so nice that It didn't even bother me that the Nats got whomped 2 to 9 by the team that crucified the Cubbies back in the '03 playoffs. Fish bastards.
Speaking of the Cubs, at the end of the game we rushed out to a post-game reception at an Irish bar just in time to watch my boys in blue fall to the Reds (Reds?!?) by 4.
We kept on drinking, and after 8 straight hours of downing free hooch I was passing out on my feet, battling a nasty bout of hiccups, and what little common sense that hadn't been drowned in liquor was telling me to head home.
I reached the homestead in time to catch '24', eat a bowl of soup and pass out on the couch for a few hours.
Perfect fucking day (even though my teams are off to a crap start).
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Electric Six @ Black Cat, DC 3/31/07
Last night The Girl and I went out to catch the Electric Six show at Black Cat. They played with the openers Night Kills Day and Test Your Reflex.
I'll bet good money that Night Kills Day started up a Sisters of Mercy cover band. Meh.
Test Your Reflex wasn't bad, but they are one of those bands that sounds just like every other indie-pop band - You know the ones I'm talking about.
Electric Six played a pretty good set, but most of the songs were from their debut album - I really would have liked to hear more stuff off of their two more recent albums. I'm sure that I'm in the minority on that one - They were just givin' the people what they wanted. Good show, boys.
Be sure to check 'em out if they swing by your hometown (or nearest metropolitan area to your hometown).
The smoking ban still bites it. I've noticed that smoke-free shows just smell like whiskey breath and beer farts. It's just like my couch, except all of the drunks are awake.
And forget about holding up in the 'smokers pen' directly outside of the club. It's like a panhandlers smorgasbord out there. I haven't seen that many CHUDS outside of a zombie flick. You're better off walking around the block - The modern smoker is like a shark. If you don't keep moving, you're screwed.
To summarize: Opening bands were definitely opening, E6 rocked it, and the smoking ban can gnaw on my dirty ass.
That's all I got.
No really, man.
It's my last word, sorry.
I'll bet good money that Night Kills Day started up a Sisters of Mercy cover band. Meh.
Test Your Reflex wasn't bad, but they are one of those bands that sounds just like every other indie-pop band - You know the ones I'm talking about.
Electric Six played a pretty good set, but most of the songs were from their debut album - I really would have liked to hear more stuff off of their two more recent albums. I'm sure that I'm in the minority on that one - They were just givin' the people what they wanted. Good show, boys.
Be sure to check 'em out if they swing by your hometown (or nearest metropolitan area to your hometown).
The smoking ban still bites it. I've noticed that smoke-free shows just smell like whiskey breath and beer farts. It's just like my couch, except all of the drunks are awake.
And forget about holding up in the 'smokers pen' directly outside of the club. It's like a panhandlers smorgasbord out there. I haven't seen that many CHUDS outside of a zombie flick. You're better off walking around the block - The modern smoker is like a shark. If you don't keep moving, you're screwed.
To summarize: Opening bands were definitely opening, E6 rocked it, and the smoking ban can gnaw on my dirty ass.
That's all I got.
No really, man.
It's my last word, sorry.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Sports Not Related to Football (or Huey Lewis)
Preface: I started working on this 'mega post' right after the Super Bowl last month, and let it sit as a draft since then.
I figured that I should get off my ass and finish it up before baseball season started and before hockey season ended. So, Here you go.
Now that the 2007 NFL season is a good six months away (Go Bears!), every red-blooded 'Merican male is forced to choose another sport to follow, lest he spend his weekend up on the roof cleaning out the gutters. I will watch ANY televised NFL game - Cleveland Browns -vs- the Arizona Cardinals on ESPN? Bring it on; I'm so there. Football is our true love, but if you can't be with the one you love... well, you know the rest. We get to be more discerning with our sports mistresses - Get all up into something different. These are the awkward one-night-stands and torrid flings of the sporting world. Even though they're not loved unconditionally, they can be a hell of a lot of fun.
Okay, not that everyone is sufficiently creeped out by my analogy, I present The Liar's Best 5 Sports That Aren't Football:
5) Mixed Martial Arts*
Is this really a sport? Well, I'm going on what very little I've seen.
I caught the Showtime EliteXC match on February 10th. Here are my thoughts on that:
It took awhile for me to stop giggling once the program started. The main hallway from which all of the fighters emerged was a giant smoking dragon's head that shot fire - It was straight from the 1983 Ronnie James Dio "Capture the Renegade Wizard" tour (if I'm not mistaken). All of the on-screen graphics had more black tribal designs on 'em than on a Slipknot roadie, or Maori warrior. Not off to a good start.
Then the fights began. It was incredible. I'm an old wrestler and Judo student, so I was transfixed. The athletics involved were incredible and the fights were absolutely engrossing. The high-point of the event was the Gina Carano Julie Kedzie undercard match. At first a women's match seemed gimmicky, but I was so wrong. I have NEVER seen a fight with two competitors with such skill, spirit, endurance, drive, and sportsmanship. Society has somehow managed to sexualize all female fighting, so it was an unexpected surprise to see two great Muay Thai fighters who just happened to be women. Plus, their sportsmanship before, after, and during the fight made all of the other fighters look petty and small. Fucking brilliant. If you have Showtime and see this being replayed on the schedule, be sure to check it out.
Apparently, there are about 4 or 5 different promotional leagues for 'mixed martial arts'. If they can get everything together, cut the hokey WWEsque showmanshit, and bring together a unified league with regular premium cable matches, this is gonna be one great fucking sport.
It'll never fucking happen.
4) Soccer
Before DC got a new baseball team (if you can call the Gnats a baseball team), I used to love spending Sunday afternoons getting drunk out at RFK and catching a DC United game. Those were the good old days. The MLS was still in its infancy and the whole stadium was filled exclusively with skinheads and Salvadorians. You could smoke right in the stands, get as drunk as you pleased, yell whatever you wanted at the visiting goalie, and do anything short of rushing the field, starting a fire, or leading a riot. No one cared - They were tickled pink that you had paid $15 to get into the stadium. Then around 2003 they started to crack down on all the fun and the families started to pour in. That ruined everything, and I went from going to 4 or 5 games every season to '0'. I really should get back out to another United game this year, but it's not very high on my 'to do' list.
Every once in awhile I'll catch a European Premier League game on cable, and I'm all about the World Cup whenever it rolls around, but that's about it. For now, Soccer just stands at the far end of the chasm that separates my 'big 3' from everything else.
3) Hockey
Hockey could easily be my favorite sport of all time if it weren't for a few unfortunate events and/or circumstances. They are as follows:
a) In the1990's The NHL decided to kill it's new found success by expanding into such stalwart hockey towns such as San Jose, Tampa Bay, Raleigh, Nashville, Phoenix, Atlanta, Dallas, and Ft. Lauderdale. Genius.
b) In 1993 the Disney Corporation scored an expansion team, named the team 'The Mighty Ducks' after a series of crappy Emilio Esteves kids flix, and set upon a mission to make hockey suck. In the 12 years the Mouse was in the hockey biz, they managed to almost completely sever the testicles from the sport in a misguided attempt to make it more 'family-friendly' (read: profitable) - Fucking twats.
c) Throughout the 90's corporate interests started buying up teams as investments and ticket prices skyrocketed. We're losing money? Well then, we should anally rape the fans to shore up our margins. What? We're losing MORE money? It's the fault of those greedy players then. Lockouts, here we come! Now the NHL is a huge joke, on the verge of collapse, and true fans can barely afford (let alone justify) paying $75 bucks for a decent seat for one game. Bastards.
d) Every city where I've lived has had terrible fucking NHL teams.
The Blackhawks had a strong run in the late '80s/early 90's, but the ineptitude of owner "Dollar Bill" Wirtz sucked all the life out of the team. In 2004 the Hawks finished on top for the first time in almost 40 years - They won ESPN's 'award' for worst franchise in professional sports. Go Hawks!
The only team owner that has done less for a team in the history of the NHL is Ted Leonsis, vice chairman of America Online and owner of the Washington Capitals. He picked up the Capitals in 1999 during a high point (for the team and of AOL stock price), and then has run both straight through the fucking floor. I fucking hate that guy with every single bone in my body. That douche poisons everything he fucking touches. ARRRRGH, fucking scum Greek cocksucker.
Anyway, The Caps are the only hockey team in this region, and I'd rather cut off my pinkie fingers than give Leonsis one thin dime, so I have to rely on (one of the many) free unused tickets floating around if I want to see a game. Even when I go, I refuse to wear my Caps Jersey. I'm in the majority - the stadium is filled with every conceivable jersey out there that doesn't have a Caps logo on it, and everyone seems to be holding a cardboard "Fuck Leonsis" sign.
Things are different back in Northern Illinois. The Hawks look like they could be back on an upswing now that Wirtz is out, but the smart money is to go with one of the many Minor League teams out there. You'll get a great game at a reasonable price, and teams that you can actually route for. If it's any indication, the Chicago Wolves are my favorite team in the sport right now (followed by ХК ЦСКА Москва, Rockford Ice Hogs, and the Edmonton Oilers). Go see the Wolves or the Ice Hogs if you're looking at attending a game back in IL. You won't regret it.
I'm almost over the NHL completely, but that's the only hockey you can find on your dial. If you need a hockey fix, here's my guide on rooting for NHL teams.
Always pull for the team furthest North, and always against ANY team further South than St. Louis. Exceptions are to be made for hometown teams, and lower rankings for Minnesota (for letting the Northstars move to Dallas), the Canadiens (for being from fucking Montreal), and Columbus (for being super-ultra-mega-gay - The Blue Jackets? Are you fucking kidding me?). There you go.
2) Baseball
I'm going back to the lover analogy on this one. Sorry.
My love for the Cubbies may rival (or surpass) my love of the Bears, but the Cubs are definitely the mentally unstable girlfriend that you really shouldn't love.
They're the girl that comes crying to you at 4AM on a Wednesday, then wrecks up the joint, throws a toaster at your head, steals your stereo, fucks your brother, and then gets mad at you for yelling.
I thought that they broke my heart for the last time in the fall of '03, but I'm still as in love (if not more) every goddamned year. I can't help but love those insane girls. I'm an idiot like that.
NOTHING in this world beats spending a sunny early June afternoon along the 3rd base line at Wrigley Field. It feels soo good, that it can't possibly be wrong.
I'll happily catch games at other stadiums whenever I get the chance, but I often find myself annoyed with all of the unnecessary distractions around every other stadium in the league. More on that HERE.
I'll catch Cubs games on WGN, but can't really sit down and watch a typical televised game. It's just background while I do other things around the house. Same with radio - Every year I shell out the $20 for MLB radio, just so I can listen to Cubs games at work while I'm doing other things.
I'll watch every televised MLB playoff game, usually without the boys in blue anywhere to be seen (having been eliminated sometime in late May). Then I'll pick my new horse and then route for 'em for as far as they get. Gotta love October (does not apply to the October of 2003).
1) Boxing
At the pinnacle of The Liar's list, alone stands the sweet science (Great, I'm already typing like Don fucking King).
Pugilism is probably the most primal sport out there, yet remains one of the most enthralling. I'll watch any fight that I can find from 1930's prizefights on ESPN classic to live bouts on Premium cable. The only thing I won't do is pay crazy money for pay-per-view. Actually, one of my favorite boxing memories is going to Molly's in DeKalb with Bill Garver just to watch some big PPV prizefight (If memory serves, it was either Mike Tyson or Oscar De La Hoya) - The fight lasted all of one or two rounds, but the memories of Bill in a frat bar will live forever.
There's something about boxing that's brutal, yet poetic - grotesque, yet beautiful. There's a reason why all of the best sports movies are about boxing.** It's absolutely magnificent in its base grandeur.
My favorite fights are in the lightweight/welterweight/middleweight classes, but I'll watch 'em all. I prefer to watch bouts on Showtime, followed by HBO and ESPN. Occasionally I'll find a good fight on another channel, but those 3 are the holy-trinity of pugilism. I'm tempted to shell out the extra cash just to get Friday Night Fights on HD Net, but for now I'll have to stick with ESPN on Fridays. If you can, watch matches on premium cable. They're on every other week or so, and a fight is much more enjoyable without commercials during the breaks. You get as much perspective from the corners during the break as you do from the action in the round. Plus, I've noticed that the standard break is just enough time to get another beer and pour another shot. Perfection - Pure and simple.
I have heard that there are other televised sports out there, but very few even register on my radar.
I never have, and probably never will, watch college sports, or follow them in any capacity.
Arena League football, the CFL, and NFL Europe don't even pique my interest.
The NBA does nothing for me. Sometimes I'll find myself watching the NBA playoffs, but just to route against teams.
NASCAR? Rather clean out those gutters.
PBA? Make it PBR at Mardi Gras Lanes and you've got a deal. I love me some bowling (even have my own custom ball & shoes), and will go ANYTIME someone asks, but I'd rather pull out my teeth with pliers watch it on TV.
Televised Golf? I realiz z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z znh... huh, what? Sorry, I nodded off at the keyboard just thinking about it.
There are a couple of other sports that I'll watch, but they're seasonal or sparse.
It's a treat if I can find a Sumo match on one of the local Asian broadcast channels out here, but those are few and far between.
Occasional I'll find an Australian or New Zealand Rugby match somewhere in the stratosphere of my cable tier, and that's always good for a cheap thrill.
Finally, I'll find a handful of sporting events to totally get into whenever the Olympics (Summer and Winter) come around (No one can ever sully my undying love for the 2002 Japanese women's Olympic curling team). I just wish that they would bring back Tug-of-War as an Olympic sport - C'mon guys, a 100-year hiatus is long enough. Who do you think you are, the Cubs?
So there you go; those are the 5 greatest sports that aren't football.
Okay, the 3 greatest sports that aren't football and two that I tacked on to flesh the list out to '5'.
You are free to argue with the list, but we both know that you'd be wrong.
---
* Not to be confused with 'Mixed Marital Arts' which can be found on late-night Cinemax
** More about that in another post
I figured that I should get off my ass and finish it up before baseball season started and before hockey season ended. So, Here you go.
Now that the 2007 NFL season is a good six months away (Go Bears!), every red-blooded 'Merican male is forced to choose another sport to follow, lest he spend his weekend up on the roof cleaning out the gutters. I will watch ANY televised NFL game - Cleveland Browns -vs- the Arizona Cardinals on ESPN? Bring it on; I'm so there. Football is our true love, but if you can't be with the one you love... well, you know the rest. We get to be more discerning with our sports mistresses - Get all up into something different. These are the awkward one-night-stands and torrid flings of the sporting world. Even though they're not loved unconditionally, they can be a hell of a lot of fun.Okay, not that everyone is sufficiently creeped out by my analogy, I present The Liar's Best 5 Sports That Aren't Football:
5) Mixed Martial Arts*
Is this really a sport? Well, I'm going on what very little I've seen.
I caught the Showtime EliteXC match on February 10th. Here are my thoughts on that:
It took awhile for me to stop giggling once the program started. The main hallway from which all of the fighters emerged was a giant smoking dragon's head that shot fire - It was straight from the 1983 Ronnie James Dio "Capture the Renegade Wizard" tour (if I'm not mistaken). All of the on-screen graphics had more black tribal designs on 'em than on a Slipknot roadie, or Maori warrior. Not off to a good start.
Then the fights began. It was incredible. I'm an old wrestler and Judo student, so I was transfixed. The athletics involved were incredible and the fights were absolutely engrossing. The high-point of the event was the Gina Carano Julie Kedzie undercard match. At first a women's match seemed gimmicky, but I was so wrong. I have NEVER seen a fight with two competitors with such skill, spirit, endurance, drive, and sportsmanship. Society has somehow managed to sexualize all female fighting, so it was an unexpected surprise to see two great Muay Thai fighters who just happened to be women. Plus, their sportsmanship before, after, and during the fight made all of the other fighters look petty and small. Fucking brilliant. If you have Showtime and see this being replayed on the schedule, be sure to check it out.
Apparently, there are about 4 or 5 different promotional leagues for 'mixed martial arts'. If they can get everything together, cut the hokey WWEsque showmanshit, and bring together a unified league with regular premium cable matches, this is gonna be one great fucking sport.
It'll never fucking happen.
4) Soccer
Before DC got a new baseball team (if you can call the Gnats a baseball team), I used to love spending Sunday afternoons getting drunk out at RFK and catching a DC United game. Those were the good old days. The MLS was still in its infancy and the whole stadium was filled exclusively with skinheads and Salvadorians. You could smoke right in the stands, get as drunk as you pleased, yell whatever you wanted at the visiting goalie, and do anything short of rushing the field, starting a fire, or leading a riot. No one cared - They were tickled pink that you had paid $15 to get into the stadium. Then around 2003 they started to crack down on all the fun and the families started to pour in. That ruined everything, and I went from going to 4 or 5 games every season to '0'. I really should get back out to another United game this year, but it's not very high on my 'to do' list.
Every once in awhile I'll catch a European Premier League game on cable, and I'm all about the World Cup whenever it rolls around, but that's about it. For now, Soccer just stands at the far end of the chasm that separates my 'big 3' from everything else.
3) Hockey
Hockey could easily be my favorite sport of all time if it weren't for a few unfortunate events and/or circumstances. They are as follows:
a) In the1990's The NHL decided to kill it's new found success by expanding into such stalwart hockey towns such as San Jose, Tampa Bay, Raleigh, Nashville, Phoenix, Atlanta, Dallas, and Ft. Lauderdale. Genius.
b) In 1993 the Disney Corporation scored an expansion team, named the team 'The Mighty Ducks' after a series of crappy Emilio Esteves kids flix, and set upon a mission to make hockey suck. In the 12 years the Mouse was in the hockey biz, they managed to almost completely sever the testicles from the sport in a misguided attempt to make it more 'family-friendly' (read: profitable) - Fucking twats.
c) Throughout the 90's corporate interests started buying up teams as investments and ticket prices skyrocketed. We're losing money? Well then, we should anally rape the fans to shore up our margins. What? We're losing MORE money? It's the fault of those greedy players then. Lockouts, here we come! Now the NHL is a huge joke, on the verge of collapse, and true fans can barely afford (let alone justify) paying $75 bucks for a decent seat for one game. Bastards.
d) Every city where I've lived has had terrible fucking NHL teams.
The Blackhawks had a strong run in the late '80s/early 90's, but the ineptitude of owner "Dollar Bill" Wirtz sucked all the life out of the team. In 2004 the Hawks finished on top for the first time in almost 40 years - They won ESPN's 'award' for worst franchise in professional sports. Go Hawks!
The only team owner that has done less for a team in the history of the NHL is Ted Leonsis, vice chairman of America Online and owner of the Washington Capitals. He picked up the Capitals in 1999 during a high point (for the team and of AOL stock price), and then has run both straight through the fucking floor. I fucking hate that guy with every single bone in my body. That douche poisons everything he fucking touches. ARRRRGH, fucking scum Greek cocksucker.
Anyway, The Caps are the only hockey team in this region, and I'd rather cut off my pinkie fingers than give Leonsis one thin dime, so I have to rely on (one of the many) free unused tickets floating around if I want to see a game. Even when I go, I refuse to wear my Caps Jersey. I'm in the majority - the stadium is filled with every conceivable jersey out there that doesn't have a Caps logo on it, and everyone seems to be holding a cardboard "Fuck Leonsis" sign.
Things are different back in Northern Illinois. The Hawks look like they could be back on an upswing now that Wirtz is out, but the smart money is to go with one of the many Minor League teams out there. You'll get a great game at a reasonable price, and teams that you can actually route for. If it's any indication, the Chicago Wolves are my favorite team in the sport right now (followed by ХК ЦСКА Москва, Rockford Ice Hogs, and the Edmonton Oilers). Go see the Wolves or the Ice Hogs if you're looking at attending a game back in IL. You won't regret it.
I'm almost over the NHL completely, but that's the only hockey you can find on your dial. If you need a hockey fix, here's my guide on rooting for NHL teams.
Always pull for the team furthest North, and always against ANY team further South than St. Louis. Exceptions are to be made for hometown teams, and lower rankings for Minnesota (for letting the Northstars move to Dallas), the Canadiens (for being from fucking Montreal), and Columbus (for being super-ultra-mega-gay - The Blue Jackets? Are you fucking kidding me?). There you go.
2) Baseball
I'm going back to the lover analogy on this one. Sorry.
My love for the Cubbies may rival (or surpass) my love of the Bears, but the Cubs are definitely the mentally unstable girlfriend that you really shouldn't love.
They're the girl that comes crying to you at 4AM on a Wednesday, then wrecks up the joint, throws a toaster at your head, steals your stereo, fucks your brother, and then gets mad at you for yelling.
I thought that they broke my heart for the last time in the fall of '03, but I'm still as in love (if not more) every goddamned year. I can't help but love those insane girls. I'm an idiot like that.
NOTHING in this world beats spending a sunny early June afternoon along the 3rd base line at Wrigley Field. It feels soo good, that it can't possibly be wrong.
I'll happily catch games at other stadiums whenever I get the chance, but I often find myself annoyed with all of the unnecessary distractions around every other stadium in the league. More on that HERE.
I'll catch Cubs games on WGN, but can't really sit down and watch a typical televised game. It's just background while I do other things around the house. Same with radio - Every year I shell out the $20 for MLB radio, just so I can listen to Cubs games at work while I'm doing other things.
I'll watch every televised MLB playoff game, usually without the boys in blue anywhere to be seen (having been eliminated sometime in late May). Then I'll pick my new horse and then route for 'em for as far as they get. Gotta love October (does not apply to the October of 2003).
1) Boxing
At the pinnacle of The Liar's list, alone stands the sweet science (Great, I'm already typing like Don fucking King).
Pugilism is probably the most primal sport out there, yet remains one of the most enthralling. I'll watch any fight that I can find from 1930's prizefights on ESPN classic to live bouts on Premium cable. The only thing I won't do is pay crazy money for pay-per-view. Actually, one of my favorite boxing memories is going to Molly's in DeKalb with Bill Garver just to watch some big PPV prizefight (If memory serves, it was either Mike Tyson or Oscar De La Hoya) - The fight lasted all of one or two rounds, but the memories of Bill in a frat bar will live forever.
There's something about boxing that's brutal, yet poetic - grotesque, yet beautiful. There's a reason why all of the best sports movies are about boxing.** It's absolutely magnificent in its base grandeur.
My favorite fights are in the lightweight/welterweight/middleweight classes, but I'll watch 'em all. I prefer to watch bouts on Showtime, followed by HBO and ESPN. Occasionally I'll find a good fight on another channel, but those 3 are the holy-trinity of pugilism. I'm tempted to shell out the extra cash just to get Friday Night Fights on HD Net, but for now I'll have to stick with ESPN on Fridays. If you can, watch matches on premium cable. They're on every other week or so, and a fight is much more enjoyable without commercials during the breaks. You get as much perspective from the corners during the break as you do from the action in the round. Plus, I've noticed that the standard break is just enough time to get another beer and pour another shot. Perfection - Pure and simple.
I have heard that there are other televised sports out there, but very few even register on my radar.
I never have, and probably never will, watch college sports, or follow them in any capacity.
Arena League football, the CFL, and NFL Europe don't even pique my interest.
The NBA does nothing for me. Sometimes I'll find myself watching the NBA playoffs, but just to route against teams.
NASCAR? Rather clean out those gutters.
PBA? Make it PBR at Mardi Gras Lanes and you've got a deal. I love me some bowling (even have my own custom ball & shoes), and will go ANYTIME someone asks, but I'd rather pull out my teeth with pliers watch it on TV.
Televised Golf? I realiz z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z znh... huh, what? Sorry, I nodded off at the keyboard just thinking about it.
There are a couple of other sports that I'll watch, but they're seasonal or sparse.
It's a treat if I can find a Sumo match on one of the local Asian broadcast channels out here, but those are few and far between.
Occasional I'll find an Australian or New Zealand Rugby match somewhere in the stratosphere of my cable tier, and that's always good for a cheap thrill.
Finally, I'll find a handful of sporting events to totally get into whenever the Olympics (Summer and Winter) come around (No one can ever sully my undying love for the 2002 Japanese women's Olympic curling team). I just wish that they would bring back Tug-of-War as an Olympic sport - C'mon guys, a 100-year hiatus is long enough. Who do you think you are, the Cubs?
So there you go; those are the 5 greatest sports that aren't football.
Okay, the 3 greatest sports that aren't football and two that I tacked on to flesh the list out to '5'.
You are free to argue with the list, but we both know that you'd be wrong.
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* Not to be confused with 'Mixed Marital Arts' which can be found on late-night Cinemax
** More about that in another post
Friday, March 30, 2007
Save As Draft
Words are like feces, Once you sit down to take care of business, they just come spilling out of you. Then you spend twice as long trying to make them into something they're not. Light a match - Drop that paragraph. Spray some Glade - Change a story about you into a story about someone else. Sanitize the bowl - Sanitize your soul.
A good writer isn't someone who can change the way you perceive shit, but rather someone who can stand to let shit be shit.
I'm not a good writer.
I've been working on the "1995" novel for three straight months now. Almost every night I stay up until 4AM pounding out memories into my keyboard.
Then I spend just as long the next day white-washing anything that makes me look bad.
That doesn't leave me with much at all worth reading.
Stream of consciousness writing leaves the situation naked and open. True. Reading back over it, it's compelling, but I feel a need to rationalize actions and downplay the emotions. I don't want to come off as spiteful, hateful, boastful, arrogant, reckless, or self-centered. Flawed. So I rewrite everything until I'm self-deprecating, insightful, clever, or disillusioned. Boring and pompous - Unreadable.
It's the curse. I worry about perception. Not that people won't like me, but rather that they won't understand. This is the good kind of writing that can damage friendships, kill relationships, cause family turmoil, lose a job, or get you arrested (hell, I have 3 or 4 stories that would jeopardize all 5). I am compelled to explain the rational behind every single one of my actions, until I'm (now) left with a 100 page insincere apology. The type of shit that no one wants to read.
I do the same thing with the blog. I have about 3 dozen great posts that I have saved as drafts and just left to rot for fear that someone might take 'em the wrong way (understandably). They were too real, too honest, too unfiltered to actually post. I write 'em out and then bury them down in the digital ephemera where they belong.
What makes you smart as a person, makes you lousy as a writer. And I, for one, have chosen to embrace mediocrity.
It's best for all of us.
A good writer isn't someone who can change the way you perceive shit, but rather someone who can stand to let shit be shit.
I'm not a good writer.
I've been working on the "1995" novel for three straight months now. Almost every night I stay up until 4AM pounding out memories into my keyboard.
Then I spend just as long the next day white-washing anything that makes me look bad.
That doesn't leave me with much at all worth reading.
Stream of consciousness writing leaves the situation naked and open. True. Reading back over it, it's compelling, but I feel a need to rationalize actions and downplay the emotions. I don't want to come off as spiteful, hateful, boastful, arrogant, reckless, or self-centered. Flawed. So I rewrite everything until I'm self-deprecating, insightful, clever, or disillusioned. Boring and pompous - Unreadable.
It's the curse. I worry about perception. Not that people won't like me, but rather that they won't understand. This is the good kind of writing that can damage friendships, kill relationships, cause family turmoil, lose a job, or get you arrested (hell, I have 3 or 4 stories that would jeopardize all 5). I am compelled to explain the rational behind every single one of my actions, until I'm (now) left with a 100 page insincere apology. The type of shit that no one wants to read.
I do the same thing with the blog. I have about 3 dozen great posts that I have saved as drafts and just left to rot for fear that someone might take 'em the wrong way (understandably). They were too real, too honest, too unfiltered to actually post. I write 'em out and then bury them down in the digital ephemera where they belong.
What makes you smart as a person, makes you lousy as a writer. And I, for one, have chosen to embrace mediocrity.
It's best for all of us.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Mid-Season TeeVee Update
With Rome having fallen, Heroes on hiatus, and Adult Swim sucking it lately, there has been a severe drought of good stuff on television.This leaves my agenda wide open for obsessing over weird little software bugs that have infiltrated my computer. When I'm not doing that, here's what I've been watching:
Bullshit
This is one of my all-time-favorite shows, and it's just starting up its fifth season of no-holds-barred goodness. I've been putting off doing a full post on this one for awhile, so (for now) this shout-out will have to make due.
Andy Barker P.I.
Andy Richter stars as an accountant turned soft-boiled private investigator in a surprisingly clever fish-out-of-water series. Tony Hale (Arrested Development) co-stars as Andy's video store clerk sidekick and Conan O'Brien serves as series co-creator and executive producer, but Harve Presnell steals the fucking show as an elderly, misanthropic, anti-social, amoral, hard-as-nails, 70's era detective who begrudgingly serves as Andy's mentor.
Added bonus - There are a ton of movie-geek references packed into the series ("Why does everyone keep saying 'Chinatown'? I told you, I haven't seen it. Would someone please explain what that means?"). I'm absolutely hooked -Fucking brilliant.
If you haven't been watching this show, start doing so RIGHT NOW. They have 5 full episodes available online. Be sure to watch "Three Days of the Chicken" it's easily the funniest fucking thing I've seen on network television in a long time.
I'm sure that it'll be cancelled before too long, so enjoy it while you can.
Asia Extreme on Sundance Channel
Every Sunday at midnight Sundance serves up an uncut flick from Tartan's Asia Extreme series. I love me some Asian horror, psycho thriller, and gonzo films. This weekly treat is like manna from heaven for me... and The Girl likes it too.
Bizarre Foods
Who knew that watching a happy-go-lucky food critic traveling the world and eating weird shit could be so engrossing? Despite a couple of 'Fear Factor' moments in each episode, it's hard to pull yourself away from this one. I'm really digging it - In fact, I've been tempted to You-Tube up my own "Bizarre Liar" clip onto the internets after a shopping trip to the Thai market down the street. Don't hold your breath. That's definitely one of my 'looks good on paper' ideas.
Anything on the Science Channel
This is easily the best reason to shell out the cash for extended-tier cable.
This is what the Discovery Channel should be. Tons of nature shit, physics crap, and end-of-days bull-plop. I'm so hooked. This is the immediate 'default' channel on my remote.
24
Has it jumped the shark? Hell yes.
Do I care? Not if that jumpin' shark keeps blowin' up real good every goddamned week. *
I'm still eagerly waiting for the return of Heroes, The Sopranos, Venture Brothers, Dexter, My Name is Earl, and Metalocalypse. Until then, the aforementioned shows are keeping my ass in the couch for at least a few hours every week.
Remember, even mediocre television beats interacting with loved ones on any given day.
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*If anyone else out there still watches South Park, they fucking NAILED the whole '24' thing last episode. Hilarious.
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