Thursday, March 30, 2006
Since everyone thinks that all I do is bitch out into the blogosphere, I figured it was time to do a "happy" post.
Finally the temperature is starting to consistently break to 70 degree mark, the cherry blossoms are in full bloom, the leaves are beginning to sprout forth from the bare branches, and the sun is shining bright through the clear sky.
I love it when it looks like winter is finally behind us, and all we have to look forward to is 6 months of beautiful days ahead.
All is good.
Now, wasn't that fucking gay? Don't you wish that I'd have written a bitter rant instead?
Well then, Here you are:
New & Improved Post
You can tell that the seasons have changed when the following things happen:
a) The fucking tourists clog up the streets and public transit, like pus clogs up a syphilitic cock. The main difference being; that pus doesn't get mad when you attempt to dislodge it. That's not to mention the herds of 'Segway' tourists rolling through the streets like a gang of retarded cyborgs sent back from a dystopic Disneyland future.
b) The rat farmers crawl out from what ever bridge they decided to drink away the winter under and storm the streets with filthy disease-ridden aplomb. You can't even get outside the goddamn door without being rushed by a crowd of CHUDS palms outstretched, or tripping over a garbage laden shopping cart.
c) All of the snow melts leaving the winter detritus to ooze out over the city. Everywhere you look are rancid piles of discarded chicken bones, used condoms, scratched lotto tickets, shattered bottles of Mad Dog 20/20, punctuated by the occasional syringe.
d) Due to the preceding two factors, the reek of stale urine, feces, and rotting garbage starts to lodge deep in your nostrils.
e) Whores drop the rabbit fur coats for the day-glow animal print spandex outfits. Frankly, I could have gone through the rest of my life without seeing your cellulite ridden hairy gut bisected by a hysterectomy scar hanging out over your waistband. Jesus.
Yeah, motherfucking spring is here. I think I'll observe this glorious transitional season by putting on my winter ski-mask, grabbing my summer baseball bat, and going out on the town to weed out some of the April fools.
See, now isn't that better?