Flickr Overload

I went a little camera-happy last week while I was back in Illinois. I got back to DC with over 400 pictures from my 5 day excursion.
I just sat down and weeded through the pics and chose my 85 favorite shots to post on the DC Lies Flickr page.
I took all of the shots in high-def, So I'd highly recommend viewing 'em in either the 'large' or 'original' sizes to get all of the detail (especially with some of the old graveyard shots).
Enjoy.

We Shot a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts (Sunday)

Sunday afternoon Elise and Dave came out to shoot guns. It rocked; especially the Remington 700 PSS sniper rifle (which got it's cherry popped last weekend). Gotta love shooting a new gun.

Now that I've weirded everyone out with the whole 'gun/cherry' thing, I'll just get right to the pictures:

Elise & the Super Red Hawk .454 Revolver

Elise & the M-4

Dammit Elise, Snipers Don't Answer Their Phones!

Where We Were Shooting From

I Shoot

I Score

The Remains of the Prey

Good times. Check out the bad-ass coconut kill (on my first shot!) pic above. I left out a bunch of pics from Sunday that are up on my Flickr page, so if you want more - check it out. Speaking of which, I should have all of the artsy-fartsy Flickr pics (75+) from the trip up sometime tomorrow or Sunday. Keep an eye out.

Saturday Mayhem

Last Saturday I met up with Old Dog, Steener, and Ed for dinner at Twins. The company was a hell of a lot better than the food (and that's saying a lot). Then everyone else pussed out, so I was 'forced' to go out to face Dena, Jane, Stormy and the majesty which is Cealed Kasket by my lonesome.

We met up at Annex for a few rounds, then headed over to Otto's for the show. The band wasn't bad; think Upper Crust meets Turbonegro meets Spinal Tap. They were brilliant for about a half-hour, but as the novelty wore off all I could say is "They're silly." - repeatedly.
I got a shitload of beers and shots bought for me by friends and former 7DA patrons. I was going to shoot off a mobileblog saying "Please, stop buying me drinks", but was too loaded to work my Blackberry.
I got to see the Dark Squirrel, got the obligatory 'girls kissing' pic, and the guitar player was a wizard, so the show was definitely worth it.
During the band's second set we headed back to the Annex, and then over to Paul's for after-hours (for the second night in a row). Saw a bunch of friends (Kimberly, Jen, Mandy, among others) over at Paul's. All in all, a great night.

I'll shut up now and give you a couple of pics:

Guitar Wizard

Dena & Stormy

e-Pissy Drinking Contest Pictures (Friday)

I recently got a new camera. I took out said camera out last weekend to document the festivities. Apparently, I have a lot to learn about this new camera. It looks like the shutter speed is off on most of the Annex shots resulting in 'ghosting' in all of the shots. Either that, or all of my friends are ghosts. Ooooh, Spooky; I should give M. Night Shyamalamadingdong a call with that one.

My Burfday Cake. Thanx Steener!

The Worst Group-Shot in the History of Photography (I Suck)

Dawg Eat Dog

Drop-Off

Yeah, I know that they suck, but they're all we got. Believe it or not, these were the 'good' pics.

Asian Arert!!!

Ringu the movie
It is very scary, Huh?
Scream, you schoolgirls, scream

When watching this I like to pretend that they're looking at a video of me in the shower.

---
Question:
I stumbled upon a bunch of awesome NSFW* Asian Arert material. Would anyone be averse to setting up a You Tube account so that you could view the aforementioned clips?
I might use some of this stuff for future A.A.s, but don't want to piss everyone off with registration codes, and the like.

*Not Suitable for Work

No One Sees Cheney

I'm waiting for a reception at the Morton's in Georgetown. Next door is the Fox News 10 year anniversary. The secret service just came in and closed all of the blinds across the front of the restaurant before Cheney arrived at the party next door.
That's just weird.

Plus the roadblocks have almost everyone else running 45min. late and I'm hungry.

Damn you, Cheney!

- Sent From Blackberry Handheld -

Miscellanea

1) The MOTO show rocked some serious ass. Props go out to all of the DC folks that showed up on my advice to see a band they'd never heard of.

2) Best meal of the trip: Lobster, Steak, and Tamales (Sunday night - the parents decided to clean out the freezer).
Runners Up:
a) The trhüringer platter with spatzel @ The Wurst House - Plano (Friday)
b) Gyro rolls @ Brothers (Wednesday)
c) Twins with Old Dog, Steener, and EdP (Saturday)

3) I took over 400 fucking photos in 5 days. I need to sort through those and post the results on Flickr. I'm thinking that about 75 to 125 new pics will go up over this weekend.

4) I'm holding off on doing posts on the e-pissy drinking contest, shooting with Elise, and the Cealed Kasket show until I have some photographic proof to back my wild claims.

5) Much love goes out to the Illinois contingent for all of the good times this weekend.
Now if anyone can remember where I lost my liver, I'd be much obliged if you could help me solve that one.

Back in the D of C

I'll do a wrap-up later this week & get around to posting all the photos I took on Flickr. But not tonight; I'm heading out to the M.O.T.O. show.

E-Pissy Drinking Contest Results

The P-Dawg takes the gold for last night's drinkin' throw-down. He was still hangin' tough (like a New Kid) when I left Paul's at 4 this morning. He got a late start on the night, but finished like a champ.

If anyone feels the need to redeem their drinkin' reps, I'll be out at Otto's tonight for 'round two'. I need to reclaim the throne after last night's upset. All I have to show for 9 hours of drinking is this lousy silver medal, and the mother of all hangovers.

- Sent From Blackberry Handheld -

Annex Tonight at 9PM

I'm back in the Northern half of Illinois, and have a mighty thirst a-brewin'.

I'll see everyone tonight @ 9ish. Make sure to bring bail money.

You'll Never Guess What I'm Doing

I'm out antiquing with my grandma and mom.

I think this makes me gay. Anyone?

- Sent From Blackberry Handheld -

Shipman, IL (Google It)

Today I got a bunch of great small-town America photos + a load of old graveyard pics. The one thing that I don't have is phone service. If anyone needs to get in touch with me, you'll have to wait until tomorrow afternoon.

- Sent From Blackberry Handheld -

Hair Attack

Last night I was assaulted by the ham-fisted thugs of the Hair Cuttery.

I look ridiculous and am missing a chunk of hair above my left ear.

What do I look like?
Well; 1) go grab the newspaper
2) locate the 'Family Circus' cartoon
3) draw a goatee and angry eyebrows on PJ.
That's me.

- Sent From Blackberry Handheld -

Here's the Deal:

I'm heading back to IL this afternoon, and then heading down to St. Louis to visit my grandma for a couple of days. I'll be back in Northern IL sometime Friday afternoon/evening, and I expect to see the entire e-pissy contingent out at the Annex at 9PM this Friday.

I should be updating the blog from my Blackberry while I'm back in IL, so keep a look-out here for any updates. Ah, mobilebloggin' (sounds German); short, misspelled, one-paragraph long whiskey-soaked ramblings without any images, and all with a weird little tag at the bottom. It's bloggin' like our great-grandfathers used to do.

If any of you need a picture fix, you can always go to my flicker page. I went nuts last weekend with the fucking flower shots, and there are several pages of crap like this:

Okay, that's it - I'm headin' out. I'll see you all this Friday; please refrain from punching me in the mouth for the Drinky Joe April-Fools thing (a kick in the nuts will do just fine).

Alright You Primitive Screwheads, Listen Up. You See This? This is My Boomstick!

Welcome to the second installation of the award winning L&E series 'Gun Nut'*. Everyone knows that the 'second' of anything gets little respect. Secondary teams are never as popular as their older brethren (Mets, White Sox, Islanders, Clippers, etc.), everyone hates sequels**, and the siblings of the famous are always at the butt of the joke (Neil Bush, Adam Baldwin, and Jim Belushi walk into a bar...).

Well, for our second feature we need a gun that refuses to be ignored. We need a firearm that looks like it was born from a torrid tryst between Charles Bronson, Godzilla, and a chainsaw. We need one mean motherfucking gun. Since the L&E name is synonymous with 'quality', we refuse to disappoint. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the:

Mossberg 500 - 12g Folding-Stock Riot Shotgun

Holy shit, is this one mean gun. It hurts like hell to fire, it keeps trying to kick back into your teeth, and if your not wearing ear-protection - you're deaf for the rest of the day. This gun serves one purpose, and one purpose only: To incapacitate as many people as possible within the shortest amount of time.

Pistol-grip shotguns are designed to spray projectiles to clear out large swaths per shot. They're useless over 50 feet (except for scaring the crap outta anyone within earshot), but ultra-lethal at close range. If you get hit with razorshot from a 500 at 10ft, the coroner is going to need a wet-vac, not a body bag.

The 500 and similar PG Shotguns are used by police and military world-wide, but are primarily utilized by SWAT and TAC teams. These guns are also the #1 home/business defense guns sold in the United States, due to their low cost.

I got my M500 (pictured above - in its latest incarnation) for $115, and then sank about double that into modifying the fuck out of it. It's a great gun to have. The thing is nasty-mean, but still a lot of fun to shoot. It vibrates your whole body and pushes you back with every shot. It'll bisque a pumpkin at 10 paces, and turn just about any solid item into a handy-dandy colander.

For the same reasons that everyone else buys these things (price, availability, devastation), these types of guns are often the weapons of choice amongst gangs, stick-up artists, and other scofflaws. So you better get yourself a 500, so that you can fend off all of the criminal miscreants who will be menacing you with their 500s - It just makes sense, people.

Actually, it's a dangerous world out there. If you go out you should probably wear a disguise anyway, and don't forget to bring your shotgun. It's easy; here's a picture of me at the local convenience store:

I love that store. Every time I go there they give me way too much change. Entirely too much, considering that I never handed them any money... hmmm.

Oh Shit, I hear sirens. I Gotta go - Now.

Until next time, keep your eye on the target and your finger on the trigger.

---
*Has not actually won any awards
**Except 'Empire Strikes Back'

Vote Sugar Belle!

This is a call to arms.
It is your patriotic duty to participate in democracy (in the most ass-way possible) and vote for Sugar Belle (pictured above) in the new Cake Pony contest.

The Girl spent all day Thursday at work drawing ponies eating cake, and this is what she came up with. I even helped to texture the interior of the cake*.

Go to www.cakepony.com click on "All Amateur Access" (above the 'forms' bar) and vote for Sugar Belle, because you know she's the right pony for the job (whatever that 'job' might be).

Vote early - Vote often.

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* Which, frankly, makes the whole damn thing.

Asian Arert - Now With 100% More Haikus

From here on out I've decided that all further Asian Arerts will be described in haiku. Let's try it out:

Walrus plump with fat
He no find sexy girlfriend
Now fun sit-up time!!!

Watch it HERE

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Thanx To the Old Dog for the heads-up.

Since Gunderson is Dragging Ass On This One*...

WOOT-OFF** Today!!!

Check it out; cheap*** deeply-discounted crap all day long.
Because everyone needs a 'Salton Fresh Soy Food Center'.

Make sure to check out the “The Woot-Off Song” on the main page for a full explanation.

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*Gundy usually takes the reigns on Woot announcements.
**Once something sells out, another item comes up.
***I couldn't (in good faith) keep 'cheap' up there after the $800 pre-amp, and the $2000 plasma screen TV

C'mon People, This Music Isn't Going to Appreciate Itself

I still have a stack of Spring Mix CDs ready to go out. Drop me a line if you want one, if you don't have my e-mail it can be gotten from just about anybody from the old DeKalb scene. If you don't trust the United States Postal Service, It looks like I'll be out at the Annex in D-Town on the 21st of this month, and should have a few copies on me there.

Get yourselves some.

The Bitch Forgot My Birthday

I just spent the last 7 hours popping Valium to calm down, and downing shots of Baker's to keep angry.
I'm so pissed that I cant even see straight.

Jenny forgot my birthday.

Here's the deal: I've been saving-up for the last few months to take her to Cozumel for her birthday (6/5), and now I'll be god-damned if I take that self-centered bitch to the Yucatan for her birthday after this shit.
I'm starting up a new contest: Whoever can give me the best reason why they deserve Jenny's birthday gift gets to join me for some scuba-diving/ruin-explorin' from June 2nd through June 8th, 2006.
I'm dead serious - Her birthday gift could be yours. Send me your essay on why you deserve her birthday gift, and it could be you in Mexico with my happy-ass for 7 booze-blurred days.

I called this months ago with Jes. I was convinced that she would forget my b-day, Jes bet she wouldn't (Jes, you owe me $5). I kept dropping hints over the last month, and it seemed that every fucking TV show we watched together had some 'birthday' element to it. I even caught her snooping through my e-mail with MK's b-day wish in the subject line of an e-mail this evening, still no "happy birthday".

All day I kept hoping (against hope) that she was playing coy, and had a surprise waiting for me when I got home.

I got nothing.

In order to clarify why I'm spazzing over this, I think some back-story would help:
Growing up, my family never really celebrated holidays, birthdays, etc. We'd get a cake and a couple of Hot Wheels or action figures and got to have a couple of friends spend the night over, but it never was a "big deal".
I was always intensely jealous of the kids who got the big parties. As a kid a huge birthday party was the social event of the year, and could cement you in good standing for the rest of the (school) year. My parents weren't going to play that game, and (in retrospect) those things were far outside of our family budget
I think that I could have a party at McDonald's once, but I'm pretty sure that it was for my friend, Brian - I just can't remember.

By the time I was thirteen, birthdays became a dinner out at my grandfather's restaurant, a (bargain bin) Nintendo game, and a pat on the back.
Then 'it' happened - when I turned 15 they forgot my birthday (ala Sixteen Candles). They went over seas to Germany, and (apparently) forgot that they'd be gone for my birthday. I got a panicked call from my mom at 10PM, I informed her that I'd helped myself to the liquor cabinet and that all was square.

I moved out of their house a couple of years later, and for several years kept away from all family events (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Birthdays). There was something liberating about being alone, but this is when my birthdays started to get ugly. I'm not sure that if it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I was convinced that April 11th was cursed.
On various 4-11s I:
- Totaled out my car ('93)
- Was hospitalized ('93)
- Got fired ('94)
- Got locked out of my apartment (without keys or wallet) in the freezing rain, and spent 5 hours wandering around outside waiting for someone to get home and let me in ('95)
- Was dumped by a girlfriend ('96)
- Beat the shit out of a waiter at my birthday dinner when he kept hitting on my girlfriend ('99)
- Punched the rear-view mirror on my van and spider-webbed my entire windshield ('99)
- Spent the night in Jail ('01)
- Have gotten in more fights with girlfriends than at Dinosaur Jr Shows ('90-'06)

It's probably all me, but I can't seem to think that there is something weird going on.

To compensate for this I always make a special effort to overproduce on my girlfriends' birthdays.
Over the last couple years Jenny has gotten a trip to New Orleans (pre-flood) & an expensive string of pearls (that she hasn't worn yet) for her b-days.
Whereas, I got trinkets & eventually forgotten.
I'll be damned if she gets a trip to Mexico after forgetting about me.

Forgetting my birthday (in my book) is an inexcusable error. She knew how superstitious I was about this, and still forgot. I really need to just move on to a more beneficial relationship.

I want to thank all of you who blogged, called, wrote, or e-mailed to wish me a happy birthday, and those who didn't - No problem.

The only one I'm pissed at is The fucking Girl, she should know.
Fuck, Every year I make sure to make a big deal out of her b-day. She should have the decency to take five fucking seconds off from having the universe revolving around her, just to say "happy birthday".
Hell, even three of my EX-girlfriends took the time to wish me a happy birthday today since they know how wiggy I am about this shit, yet my live-in girlfriend couldn't be bothered to acknowledge my birthday.

Fuck her (and my parents, who also "forgot" to call - again).

Am I crazy, or just a weepy twat?
Please let me know.

---
The time stamp is from an earlier draft (on the birthday curse) - The bulk of this entry was posted at 1:07AM on 4/12/06.

And yes, I'm taking the day off tomorrow to continue this self-pity bender.

What I'm Listening To - Spring 2006

Here we go; The third CD in my seasonal record club is fresh off the presses and ready to move. I've got 25 songs served up and set for your aural absorption.

Liner Notes:

1) The Apers - Almost Summer
from the 2005 compilation "AMP Vol. 4 - Pop Punk"
Straight forward pop punk; sweet enough to give you cavities. The title sez it all - The perfect song to kick off the comp.

2) Bad Astronaut - Jessica's Suicide
from the 2001 split LP "War of the Worlds - Bad Astronaut -vs- Armchair Martian"
Bad Astronaut covers a great Armchair Martian song. For my money, this is one of the best cross-cover albums out there.

3) Bad Religion - Don't Pray On Me
from the 1993 album "Recipe For Hate"
This album's first pressing was on Epitaph, all following pressings were on Atlantic. When this album came out in '93, It rarely left my tape-deck. This track is one of my favorites.

4) Johnny Cash - Devil's Right Hand
from the 2003 collection "Unearthed"
The Man in Black and Smokey Hormel (on guitar) take on this Steve Earl cover. Raw and unfiltered - This is Cash at his finest.

5) Nick Cave - Jack the Ripper (Acoustic)
from the 2005 collection "B-Sides & Rarities"
The theme song of my life (listen to this track, then you'll get it).

6) Chixdiggit! - J Crew
from the 2005 album "Pink Razors"
Makes me laugh every time. More pop for the spring.

7) Blag Dahlia - This Jihad
from the 2005 compilation "Greedy Boot 1" - No link available (out of print)
Leave it to Blag Dahlia (singer of The Dwarves) to do an acoustic love song about a female suicide bomber. This track comes from the ultra-limited Greedy CDR comp that came out last year.

8) Danzig - I'm the One
from the 1990 album "Danzig II - Lucifuge"
Poor Danzig, everybody keeps sending me the video of him getting his clock cleaned in a backstage brawl (if you haven't seen it yet, check it out - high-larious).
All that watchin' him getting pummelled made me break out some of his solo shit out of pity. I'm glad I did, I forgot how much I liked Lucifuge... Mmmmmm, Lucifudge.

9) Dean Gray - Whatshername (Susanna Hoffs)
from the 2005 project "American Edit"
My favorite track off of an incredible mash-up project from last year. "Edit" is a remixing of Green Day's "American Idiot" LP.
This track mashes GD's "Whatshername" with the Bangles over a dance beat. I've been wanting to throw this in a mix since the Winter comp, but just figured out how to transfer MP3 tracks to the normal CD format.

10) Dinosaur Jr - Raisans
from the 1987 album "You're Living All Over Me"
Yes, that's the way the track is spelled.
I was ready to throw a Folk Implosion track on this mix, but then went to the Dino Jr reunion show. It was a no-brainer.

11) Stoney Edwards - She's My Rock
from the 1998 compilation "From Where I Stand - The Black Experience in Country Music"
I'd always meant to pick this box set up. By the time I was ready, it had gone out of print. I finally tracked down a used copy at a reasonable price. I'm really glad I got a hold of this. I'm amazed at the quality of songs in this comp - every one is a gem.
I picked this track because like Stoney's lady, The Girl is my rock (insofar as she doesn't move or do anything).

12) Groovie Ghoulies - A Message to Pretty
from the 1994 Album "Born in the Basement"
Here's the first in a series (of at least 3) of versions of M2P. Thank EdP for that idea.
This Love cover is from The Groovie Ghoulies' first album.

13) The Holograms - Are You Ready for It
from the 2005 release "Night of 1000 Ex-Boyfriends"
I could try, but I think that Interpunk did the best job of summing up this one:
A brand new album from all-female Los Angeles chronic boyfriend stealers-and dumpers-THE HOLOGRAMS. An overdose of pilled-up pop and toxic teenbeat, rocked with sass, big hooks, huge riffs, cute but kinky vocals, and an unhealthy obsession with getting wrecked on school nights. Produced by BLAG DAHLIA and BRADLEY COOK (Foo Fighters, Distillers, Ataris) for a sound not unlike Josie And The Pussycats getting gang-banged by The Misfits.

14) J Church - Reaching for Thoreau
from the 2000 album "One Mississippi"
"One Mississippi" is J Church's "Pet Sounds". These guys have been around for decades, and this is by far their most ambitious release to date.
Right after I moved to DC, this is one of the only albums I had with me out here. It was all that I needed.

15) The Lillingtons - X-Ray Specs
from the 1999 release "Death By Television"
Comic-book rock for all the geeks out there, from one of the best albums of the 90's.

16) Modest Mouse - Bukowski
from the 2004 album "Good News For People Who Love Bad News "
You gotta love any song about Bukowski. Thanks to The Girl for loaning me this CD for the mix.

17) M.O.T.O. - I Can't Wait'll It's Over
from the 2005 LP "Raw Power"
MOTO will be playing in DC on April 24th - I'll see you there.
If you live in Northern Illinois, just go into any bar with a stage - If you wait long enough, MOTO will eventually play there.

18) Naked Raygun - Entrapment
from the 1989 album "Understand"
A great cut from one of my top 10 albums of all time. I've probably listened to "Understand" 300+ times through, and it's still just as fresh as it was 17 years ago.

19) Nerf Herder - Bridge Under Troubled Water
from the 2001 EP "My E.P."
Parry Gripp and the boys rock out the quintessential "bad boyfriend" ballad.
It'd be a lot funnier if I couldn't relate.

20) The Raveonettes - My Boyfriend's Back
from the 2005 album "Pretty In Black"
Who doesn't love their boyfriend's back? I know that I do.
An excellent reworking of The Angels' classic teen angst anthem.

21) Riverdales - Out of My Heart
from the 2003 release "Phase Three"
Back in 1996 Ben Weasel, Danny Vapid, and Dan Panic (from Screeching Weasel) set out to do something that hadn't been done since 1979 - Make a good Ramones album.
It was the ultimate in fuck-you fandom, but it worked brilliantly. If they can keep it up for a few more albums, they'll actually surpass the Ramones in good releases.
This is a killer track off their third album.

22) The Slackers - Old Dog
from the 2003 album "Close My Eyes"
This song reminds me of a great friend from DeKalb, IL that I really miss out here in DC; along with the long, crazy, drunken nights out in the cornfield wasteland.
I'm speaking, of course, about Randy Gardner.

23) The Stooges - Search and Destroy
from the 1973 album "Raw Power"
This is the song that I keep feeding into the Big Hunt jukebox - endlessly.
I figured that I'd get out of my system on this mix, so that I can move on to bullying the jukebox with "Shake Appeal" (from same album).

24) Turbonegro - If You See Kaye (Tell Her I L-O-V-E Her)
from the 2005 release "Party Animals"
I'm still not sure what to make of this album. My problem is that it's produced by Steve McDonald (Redd Kross). I've always liked Redd Kross, but every album that Steve produces ends up sounding JUST FUCKING LIKE Redd Kross. I want a new Turbonegro album, not another Redd Kross sound-alike.
This album could grow on me though; I hated "Scandinavian Leather" when it first came out, but now it's easily my favorite TN release. This is a pretty good track from the new one, let me know what you think.

25) The Weakerthans - Plea From a Cat named Virtute
from the 2003 album "Reconstruction Site"
I've been been meaning to throw a Weakerthans track on a comp for a while, but they never seemed to fit in - until now.
This one's about a cat - It goes out to Goblin, Gavin, Orin, Vespa, Leroy, Bruiser, Vyvvian, Scout, Whiskey, and all of their feline brethren.
---

You know the drill; If I have your address just let me know that want one. If I don't have your address, shoot me an e-mail to my Gmail account with your full mailing address or drop it off in the handy-dandy comment field below.

Hell, you can't lose. I can't think of anywhere else where you can get 80 minutes of free music (that isn't the Floating fucking Basement).
Hop to it. I'm only doing 50 of theses bad boys, and first come - first served.

Favorite News Headline of the Day

From CNN.com:
New rings found around Uranus*

I'm so embarrassed. You try to keep it clean, but...

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*No, that joke will never get old.

Dinosaur Jr. 4/5/06 @ the 9:30 Club

Setlist:
Lung
Quest
The Wagon
Leper
Fury
No Bones
Swan
Tarpit
Lose
In A Jar
Bulbs Of Passion
Freakscene

-Encore 1-
Raisans
Mountain Man

-Encore 2-
Just Like Heaven
Sludgefeast

Holy shit, That was one hell of a show.
I forgot how fucking loud Dinosaur Jr was - my ears are still ringing. If you ever see these guys play live, be sure to remember your earplugs. Their sound is vibrate-your-whole-body/shake-loose-your-fillings loud.

I missed them the last time they were in town, and had been regretting it for awhile.
Growing up, I was a big fan of SST records (Black Flag, The Minutemen, Sonic Youth, Hüsker Dü, The Descendents, Bad Brains, etc.). I would buy almost any SST release as soon as it was released. Back in 1987 I picked up You're Living All Over Me by some band named Dinosaur (they were sued and forced to add the "Jr." later); I fucking hated it. It sounded like an all-out assault on the senses - it totally freaked me out.
That LP sat on my shelf for months, until one day I threw it on the turntable to see if it was really as bad as I remember. Then a funny thing happened; I "got" it. The music just started to make sense to my adolescent brain. I proceeded to listen to that album over and over again all night long, and it remains one of my favorite records to this day.

I never got a chance to see Dinosaur Jr. play live until early 1992, by that time Lou had been booted, and the set was culled mostly from the Green Mind album. It was a great show, but I still wished that I could have seen the JayLouMurph Dinosaur.
The 1992 show is also where I discovered the Dinosaur Jr. relationship curse.

The Dinosaur Jr. Curse:
This is the stuff of paranoid speculation, but I swear up and down that (for me) it's a huge jinx to take a date/girlfriend to a Dinosaur Jr. Show.
Every time I go to see Dino Jr. with a girlfriend we always get into a HUGE fight. One of those tooth and nail "Well then, you can fucking walk back to Aurora, you dirty whore"* fights. These are the kind of fights that leave scars.
This has happened with four different girls at five different shows (all in IL '92-'97), three of those fights were "relationship enders". This curse extends to all other tangential bands; I got into a fight with a girlfriend at a Sebadoh show, a Mike Johnson show, and even a Jason Lowenstein show (all relatively minor by comparison). Every J Mascis or Folk Implosion show I've gone to see has been sans-girlfriend.
I was kinda relieved when The Girl opted out on this one, and even my stunt girlfriend (Jes) crapped out at the last minute (for another guy, nonetheless). I was more than happy to go to this one alone.

The problem for me when going to see a show alone is that I drink. No, DRINK. If there's no one there to talk to I just slam drinks down. It didn't help that my friend Amber was bar-tending & kept hooking me up. If I'm drinking on a "friend" tab I'll tally my drinkin' on my hand with a Sharpie, so that I don't short the bartender after all the comped drinks. Usually I'll have five or six hash marks hanging out on my hand. Last night when I went to settle out the tab my hand looked like this:

Key (as shown):
Horizontal mark = Bud Bottle
Vertical mark = Red Bull
Dot = Shot

It looks like a crudely rendered battalion off to conquer my thumb.

I was choking down puke all the way back from the show, and celebrated my safe arrival at home by barfing all over the front lawn. Then I went in, slammed a bottle of Pedialyte, and (of course) decided to comment on everyone's blog.

I had to be at work by 9:30 today. Waking up was hell, but once I got going I was fine. I feel like a million (slightly soiled) bucks.

I got to see a (version of a) band that I've always loved, the show was incredible, I got to do some serious drinkin' on a school night, and I got to work on time. I rock.

---
* line actually said at the 11/05/94 Riviera show

JayLouMurph

I'm out at the Dinosaur Jr. "reunion" show. The Girl is at home.

When the cat's away....
The mice get shitfaced.

- Sent From Blackberry Handheld -

Heads Up

I'll be back in IL for the weekend of April 21st.

I'm thinking of an e-pissy drinking contest on the 21st, and shooting off copious amounts of ammunition on the 22nd.

Any takers?

OMG Ponies!

I just stumbled across the most disturbing site on the internet.

CAKE PONY DOT COM

This site features animated ponies eating cake. On the surface it seems tame enough for any church picnic, but there's something very disturbing about Cake Ponies. The layout is set up like a suicide girls/amateur porn site, and there's just something creepy about it. I love it. Go check it out, and be sure to bring the kids.

Nothing

I'm in a really foul mood today. I started to write an entry up here on the blog, but it just came off as trite and acerbic, so i scrapped it.

I figured that with Gundy freaking out on everyone like someone slipped some pickled herring in his veggie-wrap and the Old Dog spewing puppy hate, that the e-pissy universe didn't need any more shakin' - Hell, even Ed's Papal memoriam slipped into a discussion on the importance of suffering (which P-Dawg ran with).

Some good news: I should have the Spring '06 CD done this weekend. If everyone can get through the weekend without killing each other, you'll be rewarded.

As Good As Dead

Okay, so maybe Drinky Joe isn't dead. Them's jokes - April fools.
And it's a damn good thing too, for that would be the end of the Drinky Joe MSN site because no one wants to look at daily shots of a headstone.

To celebrate Joe's "aliveness" I've got a piping fresh batch of Joe photos (jotos?) that I just put on the interweb's windowsill to cool. They can be found at http://spaces.msn.com/drinkyjoe/ if you want to cut yourself off a slice.

Mmmmm Joe.

A Matter of Time

After the most fucked-up day of my life, I just got home from the hospital.

Preparing to leave for work this morning and Joe was laying on the couch as per usual, he was snoring hard, moaning, and gurgling – Nothing out of the ordinary. I took a picture, and proceeded to get ready for work. As I was leaving I realized that he looked like shit, and made some off-handed comment to the effect of: “If you puke on the couch, I’ll fucking shoot you” – or something like that.

Really it was a fairly light day at work, but I had several meetings that kept me there until five. We had planned on going out tonight, but Jes’s dog was attacked at the dog park earlier this week. Jes decided to take the night off and tend to Rocco, so The Girl and I decided to just head home and watch a few movies.

I get home around 5:30 and Joe’s still on the couch. He had wet himself. I fly off the handle with rage and start screaming at him. He’s going to get fired from another shit job for getting blind stinking drunk and sleeping until nightfall, plus he fucking ruined my couch. He’s not waking up, which makes me even angrier, so I run up and kick him to get him off the couch. He doesn’t move. I shake him. He doesn’t move. It sinks in – He’s dead.

Lost in my mind, I automatically dialed 911 and tried to explain my situation. Within a few minutes the ambulance was there, just as The Girl was getting back from work. The police came too. The cops spent about an hour talking to us (1/2 of that hour was spent going over the paperwork for all of the guns in the house) and taking pictures of the living room – even the full ashtray, and the empty 1.75 of Wild Turkey.

Fire trucks were arriving (for some reason) as I went with the police to the hospital down the street. They kept asking me questions while the preliminary results of the blood test came back. They even made me go to a computer and show them the Drinky Joe MSN page – they weren’t amused. I felt like a total dick.

Once the test came back Joe had a blood alcohol level of .78, over 50% more than the median lethal amount. Cause of death: Acute Alcohol Poisoning.

Or maybe the police and the doctors were right, and the cause of death is my fault for allowing his destructive behavior (and maybe I’m just rationalizing things when I say that I did the Drinky Joe site to bring attention to said behaviors).

Logically, it’s Joe’s parents’ fault for never instilling in him a sense of personal responsibility.

Some would say it’s his ex-girlfriend’s fault for driving him into alcoholic overload.

Definitely it’s society’s fault for glamorizing alcohol.

Absolutely not, the above excuses are bullshit.
It’s Joe’s fault for being a lousy drunk who drank himself to death. He was 30 years old. He woke up every morning with the sickly-sweet odour of ketosis on his breath, his eyes were turning yellow, and his teeth were rotting away. Back in ’98 my roommate (Croft) lost his arm to compartment syndrome after a month-long bender. I didn’t feel sorry then, and I’m not going to feel sorry now. What happened tonight was only a matter of time.

You know that Joe realized what was coming. He embraced it.