I just spent the last 7 hours popping Valium to calm down, and downing shots of Baker's to keep angry.
I'm so pissed that I cant even see straight.
Jenny forgot my birthday.
Here's the deal: I've been saving-up for the last few months to take her to Cozumel for her birthday (6/5), and now I'll be god-damned if I take that self-centered bitch to the Yucatan for her birthday after this shit.
I'm starting up a new contest: Whoever can give me the best reason why they deserve Jenny's birthday gift gets to join me for some scuba-diving/ruin-explorin' from June 2nd through June 8th, 2006.
I'm dead serious - Her birthday gift could be yours. Send me your essay on why you deserve her birthday gift, and it could be you in Mexico with my happy-ass for 7 booze-blurred days.
I called this months ago with Jes. I was convinced that she would forget my b-day, Jes bet she wouldn't (Jes, you owe me $5). I kept dropping hints over the last month, and it seemed that every fucking TV show we watched together had some 'birthday' element to it. I even caught her snooping through my e-mail with MK's b-day wish in the subject line of an e-mail this evening, still no "happy birthday".
All day I kept hoping (against hope) that she was playing coy, and had a surprise waiting for me when I got home.
I got nothing.
In order to clarify why I'm spazzing over this, I think some back-story would help:
Growing up, my family never really celebrated holidays, birthdays, etc. We'd get a cake and a couple of Hot Wheels or action figures and got to have a couple of friends spend the night over, but it never was a "big deal".
I was always intensely jealous of the kids who got the big parties. As a kid a huge birthday party was the social event of the year, and could cement you in good standing for the rest of the (school) year. My parents weren't going to play that game, and (in retrospect) those things were far outside of our family budget
I think that I could have a party at McDonald's once, but I'm pretty sure that it was for my friend, Brian - I just can't remember.
By the time I was thirteen, birthdays became a dinner out at my grandfather's restaurant, a (bargain bin) Nintendo game, and a pat on the back.
Then 'it' happened - when I turned 15 they forgot my birthday (ala Sixteen Candles). They went over seas to Germany, and (apparently) forgot that they'd be gone for my birthday. I got a panicked call from my mom at 10PM, I informed her that I'd helped myself to the liquor cabinet and that all was square.
I moved out of their house a couple of years later, and for several years kept away from all family events (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Birthdays). There was something liberating about being alone, but this is when my birthdays started to get ugly. I'm not sure that if it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I was convinced that April 11th was cursed.
On various 4-11s I:
- Totaled out my car ('93)
- Was hospitalized ('93)
- Got fired ('94)
- Got locked out of my apartment (without keys or wallet) in the freezing rain, and spent 5 hours wandering around outside waiting for someone to get home and let me in ('95)
- Was dumped by a girlfriend ('96)
- Beat the shit out of a waiter at my birthday dinner when he kept hitting on my girlfriend ('99)
- Punched the rear-view mirror on my van and spider-webbed my entire windshield ('99)
- Spent the night in Jail ('01)
- Have gotten in more fights with girlfriends than at Dinosaur Jr Shows ('90-'06)
It's probably all me, but I can't seem to think that there is something weird going on.
To compensate for this I always make a special effort to overproduce on my girlfriends' birthdays.
Over the last couple years Jenny has gotten a trip to New Orleans (pre-flood) & an expensive string of pearls (that she hasn't worn yet) for her b-days.
Whereas, I got trinkets & eventually forgotten.
I'll be damned if she gets a trip to Mexico after forgetting about me.
Forgetting my birthday (in my book) is an inexcusable error. She knew how superstitious I was about this, and still forgot. I really need to just move on to a more beneficial relationship.
I want to thank all of you who blogged, called, wrote, or e-mailed to wish me a happy birthday, and those who didn't - No problem.
The only one I'm pissed at is The fucking Girl, she should know.
Fuck, Every year I make sure to make a big deal out of her b-day. She should have the decency to take five fucking seconds off from having the universe revolving around her, just to say "happy birthday".
Hell, even three of my EX-girlfriends took the time to wish me a happy birthday today since they know how wiggy I am about this shit, yet my live-in girlfriend couldn't be bothered to acknowledge my birthday.
Fuck her (and my parents, who also "forgot" to call - again).
Am I crazy, or just a weepy twat?
Please let me know.
The time stamp is from an earlier draft (on the birthday curse) - The bulk of this entry was posted at 1:07AM on 4/12/06.
And yes, I'm taking the day off tomorrow to continue this self-pity bender.