Sunday, July 30, 2006

Whatcha Drinkin' To?

OK, you bastards. Here's the deal:
I just finished up a super-secret mix CD of all of my favorite drinkin' songs. It's a special mix made for drunks, by a drunk, while drunk.

Musically, it's all over the place. I assembled the rough list over the last couple of weeks, but once I got in front of the burner (and a few glasses of Michter's Small Batch Unblended American Whiskey down) all the rules went out the window. I cut tracks, I added tracks, and (somehow) I mislaid one of the CDs before I could get the track I wanted in the mix. I decided (with about 15 minutes left of recordable space) that if it didn't have 'Nellie the Elephant' by the Toy Dolls on it, then it was worthless. That song ain't even about drinkin' - It's about an Elephant that escapes from the circus, but (nonetheless) it's the greatest drinkin' song ever... Because I said so, that's why.
The mix is brilliant. It's meant to be put on repeat and let go. The mix is much better the third time around (and 11 rounds along). I'm seriously diggin' it - my liver is not.

So, how do you get yer filthy semen encrusted hands on this bitch? Don't e-mail me - this one ain't so easy. In order to get a copy of this mix you need to get it directly from me, and I need to be drunk. Them's the rules. I'm bringing back a fist-full of these puppies back to IL with me. Get a few rounds in me, and once I start slurrin' these things will loose themselves from my clutches like the spoils from a bourbon pinata. That way, I get a chance to blather on about how great track # 25 is, and why I put on track # 22, or talk about the relationship between track #5 and Track #6... blah, blah blah.
A good time to ask for the CD is when I'm trying to get the bartender to play it in the bar by using only grunts and hand gestures, or vomiting in the corner - both times are golden.

The IL contingent is getting the first crack at this mix, so you DC folks will have to wait 'til September to catch me in The Hunt, Black Cat, or DC9. I'll be seeing you soon - You bring the whiskey, I've got the tunes.


Michael K said...

The best thing about this post is that it was made at nearly 2:30 in the AM. Will you bee visiting Chi-town during your visit?

Kim said...

First: I can remember the last time I heard someone mention the Toy Dolls. When things get bad, I've actually told myself, well, "Worse Things Happen at Sea" and things don't seem nearly as bad.

Secondly: This could nearly be J's Project Runway post -- the shirt, the hat. Are you trying to get in on the Walk Off? (You're more than welcome, of course.)

Thirdly; Now what the fuck?! How am I supposed to me one of those damn drunken CDs out here in the land of Paul fucking Revere??? Lady Di was, I think, seriously considering sending me a tix, so I'd just have to come in Aug, but lo, I have to get my wisdom teeth yanked.
Can I trade you a wisdom tooth for a CD, then?

Kim said...

"Can't" remember the last time, should have been.

Kim said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jeanz said...

"Like the spoils from a bourbon pinata" may be the very best phrase I've ever heard. Thank you for that. And, considering my wee liver could never, ever keep up with a liver as talented as yours, here's hoping you have eggs-n-gin for breakfast.

DC Liar said...


I'll tie one one & do some drunken mailin' for you.

If you want the genuine experience, you could wait 'til October. I think that there's a chance that we'll be back in IL at around the same time then.

Kim said...

I am trying like shit to get out there for October. Earmark one for me for October -- if we don't hook up then, I'll drink a few more bottle of wine and send you a drunken email for a drunken mailing.

Gundy said...

It took me a while to realize that the Fish Pillow had made it's CD cover debut!


edP said...

Don't let kaka off the hook. We gotta get her out to DK in October by any means necessary.

Wait, I shouldn't be saying any means necessary to you.

F1.4 said...

How about your IL contigent in DC, wait second, is it really worth putting up with drunk Josh? Better be some good shit on that bitch.

Lady Di )O( said...

Holy fucking moly. Well, that settles it then. I guess I have to go to ChrisB's Reading Party now.

Are you spending any time in the "real" city of Chicago?

DC Liar said...

Yeah, I'll be in and out of the city, but I'm not ready to nail down any dates yet - Keep an eye out on the blog. You still should totally got to Chris B's thing anyway.